Thinking

What I'm trying not to do at the moment is think about eating. Persuant to the surgery today, I haven't eatten since about 10 last night. Consequently, I'm getting a little hungry...and I still have over an hour to go. I'm sure that once I'm actually there, I won't feel hungry in the slightest... now I just feel like I want it done and gone. I realized a while ago that the reason that I feel apprehensive is not because I'm nervous about this particular procedure; I accept that the likelihood of success of this step is very good. What scares me is that this commits me to the follow-on steps, and those, the likelihood of success isn't as great. I think they're pretty good, but there is the possibility that they won't work, and then I'm stuck. I hate being stuck.

I also realized the other day that I'm angry about getting kicked out of this company. I wouldn't do anything to stay, but I'd do a lot -- but they didn't ask. They just jerked their corporate thumb and said 'Out you go'. Is that any way to treat people? I was reading a book recently where the author said that she briefly had a job where a coworker told her that if she had to miss work due to a medical event, she should just 'bring a doctors note' when she came back. Her thought was that if that was the level of trust in the company, perhaps she ought not to be there. This company does that if you're out more than three days. I've never been at that point, but I promised myself that if I ever was, I'd skip the note. Sue me. Of course, thats a moot point now.

I put a magnet on the refrigerator that I got at the New York Public Library. It's a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt saying that you should do something every day that frightens you. I think doing it once a month might be past me.