Breezy

It's a chilly, windy day here. I don't like it. If it were warm, I still wouldn't like it. Even if I were in a decent mood -- which does happen on occasion -- I wouldn't. I've never liked particularly windy days -- the kind that rattle the windows and swirl the leaves. Not sure why.

Of course, even if it were a quiet, mild day, I'd be a bit off, due to whats going on. I'm feeling a goodly amount of stress, and I can't seem to shake it. When I'm tense, I have no calming routines. Never have. I've never been able to do that. Years ago, when I worked at my prior company (as distinct from my current company which is about to become my prior company, dammit, and I'm still angry about that - how angry? We have a program called Thanks where you can be given freebies -- shirts, tools, etc -- with the company logo; I like working here, someone gifted me with an award, yet I cannot bring myself to get anything, because it has that logo, and I don't want to be reminded of it) -- anyway, at the predecessor company, I was once under a lot of stress, and I blew up at someone. I didn't go postal, but I spoke loudly and firmly (and, I suppose, somewhat angrily) to someone trying to interrupt me while I was doing something. As I recall, I said that they should wait, that I had to finish something, and then I would get to them; as they recall (I got this from someone else), they said that they weren't going to come back to me again unless they had a stick. Which quite surprised me. I ended up going to a local psychology service for a short while, to try to learn how to handle stress, but it didn't take. I still recall when the woman asked me how I relax, and I had to stop and think, before saying 'well.... I read'. She replied, dryly, " I can just hear the pleasure in your voice."

The only thing that ever works is for me to sit quietly, with my eyes closed, and just breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. That doesn't usually work, but sometimes it does.

How stressed do I feel right now? I can't bring myself to read even the interesting articles in todays paper. Maybe later.

==============
Going for a drive helped.