Impatience

I'm never satisfied, I think.

Right now, I can walk about 93% normally. Isn't that an odd number? I initially wrote 95, then thought No, 90, and ended up with this. To wit: when I get up, I always stumble for about two or three steps; if I'm near a support, I always lean on something for those steps. But after that, I can walk with just a bit of a limp; I don't really notice it (and I don't really not notice). It depends on whether I have something on my mind. I can't easily walk backwards (I can do it, but I don't have a lot of confidence), and though I can walk up and down the stairs, I do it very slowly, very carefully -- and the first step with my left leg is always difficult, every time. When I go to take a shower, I bring the phone; when I step up to get into it, I reach for the grab bar. I turn carefully.

I believe I'm stronger, more flexible, better -- and I want to believe that I will get to the point within a month where its done. I am hoping like hell that it doesn't turn out to be like when I was 'done' with my arm's recovery -- it is usable for most things, but I can't reach straight up with it. I'm hoping that I don't end up always having a bit of a limp. I tease myself that this would mean getting a really natty looking walking stick (not a cane, oh, no, but a walking stick, all elegant silver and polished wood? Something John Steed might use? Ah.....) , but the truth is, I just want this to be over. I have the dental surgery coming up next week (how many times has that been delayed?), and I'd just as soon not have to think about my leg, too. It makes me feel decrepit.

I'm going to try to go for a very short walk today. My stamina is way the hell down. And this afternoon, I plan on baking the bread. It rose somewhat in the refrigerator overnight, and right now its in the oven, doing some more rising. (The ovens not on, though the light is.) And yes, I'm impatient to have that done, too. And finishing what I'm reading, and figuring out if we want to move (estimated cost: about a third more than this house is worth) or upgrade this house to be long-term sustainable (thus becoming the most expensive house on the block). I want all of that done.

Sometimes, I'm an impatient guy.