EOD

It's the end of the day, Tuesday. One more full day, and then a half day, till the oral surgery. I'm not dreading it, but I'll be glad when its over. Having said that once or twice, I hope this is the time it actually happens.

Its been a chaotic day. My daughter's sick -- not violently so, but fevered and hacking cough -- so we kept her home today. My wife worked from home so that she could go to a medical appointment, and my mother's companion was here today, today. It was a full house. I'm sometimes surprised to see my mother -- she seems smaller every day. At first I thought it was simply perspective, but now I think: she's actually getting smaller. Can't say I'm unmoved by that, as each time I think it, I find myself wondering how much longer she has left with us.

I told my wife that I actually dread going back to her mother's house -- not the house, per se, but those stairs. We've already told her that the first couple of times back -- certainly, until I feel steady on stairs again -- we'll either stay in a hotel, or I'll sleep downstairs somewhere. Speaking of which, we've started -- just barely started -- thinking about our house in a different way -- to wit, whats the minimum we can do to this house to make it long-term habitable, and what might that cost. We'd still prefer to build a new house, but the cost of houses makes us think that might not be a good idea. We need to at least be thinking of alternatives. Besides, we like this house.

We also occasionally wonder if this housing market offers us any opportunties to make money, but as both of us are risk-phobic, probably not. I expect that in five years there will be people crowing about the money they made on houses. Ah, well.

I'm a little bummed because, due to one thing and another, hardly any of the menu entries I've planned in the last two weeks have actually worked out that way. Making a menu helps me feel in control of my life, even though I know thats a transient illusion.

The other day, I was looking at a web site that encourages you to dream about what you'd do if there were no restrictions on you (which, for me, at least, is a pretty wild stretch; I'm afraid my dreams are pretty pedestrian). I wonder how much good sites like that actually do. In a way, its like telling a child that they can be anything they want to be, when you know that that's really not true. Not anything. Its simply that you don't want the child to limit themselves, right off the bat. Let life and society do that, if they can. I know that I give my daughter contradictory information, and I've tried to make it obvious to her that I know its contradictory -- on the one hand, be what you want to be, what moves you, what excites and fulfills you; on the other, go for long term security, even if you have to surrender part of your soul to get it. Have portable skills, but work in a large organization. Be your own person, but accept the need to succumb to the power of others. In a way, that First Year Fund I've mentioned is intended to let her taste both possibilities. I hope it works, because its a tough message to get out, and I don't know how well I do it.