Thoughts

I was thinking about my mother.

She could be a pain at times. Not the classic whining, picky pain -- more like an inconvenience. Taking her to multiple medical appointments. Learning on the way back that she wanted to stop at the bank, or at the grocery store. Something would be wrong with her computer, and she'd call - weakly - for us to come down and look at it. And we always did, but there'd be this feeling of oh, damn, now what?

But she'd appreciate it. My mother was a very appreciative person. I think she expected so little, anything that people did, she appreciated. And, as I've said, she never wanted to be a bother, so if she didn't quite like what someone said or did, she'd not mention it. I knew she was mad about one thing when she actually mentioned it twice. That was atypical of her.

She liked going for drives. When my father was alive, they would drive around the area, getting to know it (they'd lived in New York City for decades). They both liked it, and my mother would frequently say how much more she liked living in Pennsylvania than New York. It's dirty and noisy, she'd say, but not here. She loved that there were so many trees, and when we planted two in our yard, she liked that, too. Sometimes I would ask her if she wanted to take a drive, or accompany me on an errand, and she'd usually say that she did. Sometimes, she'd say but I'm not dressed to go out, and I'd say that she could stay in the car while I ran in. She liked that. It became harder for her get into the van, sometimes, and to settle herself in the seat, but once there, she was glad. And she always said, upon returning to the house, that she appreciated the chance to get out. Sometimes, she'd repeat a phrase that I think she learned from her parents -- Home again in a wheelbarrow -- but she always said that she appreciated it. I would think of that appreciation when wondering Should I invite her?

I'm glad I did. I'll miss her.