Status

Things are -- well, they're not worse, and marginally better. In a nutshell, she's on a respirator because she just couldn't move enough air, and that's because of the fluid buildup in her lungs. They're doing the first dialysis now. Tomorrow morning, they'll try to get her off the respirator, and in the next couple of days, on or off the respirator, they'll evaluate the effectiveness of the dialysis.

This evening, I sat down and made a flowchart -- her current state, what could happen, and at what point/what conditions would we decide to terminate life support. We decided that it came down to a dual question - first, is she conscious and aware of what's happening, at which point we'd be guided by her wishes, and second, if not, if not conscious and aware, what's her quality of life, and, if poor, is it likely to get better, and when. After we were done, I turned to my wife and asked her if that was a cold-blooded way of doing it, and she said no, that you have to separate emotions from decisions. What scares me a bit is that I wasn't feeling emotional. It was just that I assumed we might have to make a decision at some point, and I wanted a sense of when that point might occur, and, if it did, what we'd make the decision based on.

Along the way, I learned a little bit about the physiology and practice of intubation. They've got my mother sedated and on oxygen, and her wrists are tied to the bed so that she doesn't try to pull the tube out -- the natural reaction of anyone who's waking up and finds this thing in their throat. That's got to be a delicate process, and I'm glad I don't have to see it. My daughter wants to visit with her tomorrow, but if she's still sedated, I'm not sure we will. We'll see.