I go hot and cold on this home hospice idea.
I think it's a good idea for somebody else's mother, someone who's old and frail and, you know, sick -- trouble breathing, problems with their heart, taking lots of meds. Then I think about how much of that description describes my mother, and I think yeah, well.... Because the truth is, I don't want to do it. Doing it acknowledges that she's going to die, most likely within the next year, and probably near-term at that. I don't want to admit that. Admitting it somehow feels like making it happen, and I don't want it to happen. I know, that's illogical. It's just how I feel. I think yeah, well, dialysis could keep her alive longer....but I know that that's not really true. If her kidneys were her only problem, if she were younger, then possibly yes, it would - but that's not the case. For an elderly person with multiple problems that aren't fixable, and will only get worse, then hospice makes sense. Hospice is for incurable diseases, illnesses that limit and end life, and thats what she's got, right?
Only....does she? Does she really? Do I know that?
Sometimes, I think yes. And sometimes, I don't.
