Fodders Day

I've never been one for celebrating Father's Day. My birthday, either, but FD, especially not. I don't see the point.

Not to be harsh, but if you aren't already enjoying being a father, having a your day isn't going to help. Plus, there's no good reason to use it as an excuse to buy yourself something, no matter how often I tease my wife and daughter about this being the year they're getting me that big screen plasma television with Bose surround sound and a comfortable leather recliner that nobody else gets to use. (Every year, that list gets longer). You're an adult, go get it yourself. Creeping around hinting strikes me as infantile. And in my case, if they did buy that laundry list, I'd be astounded (I thought they were smarter than that), and, truthfully, a little disappointed, because a) its more fun to tease about it than to get it (how often does the longed-for item actually fulfill your desires?) and b) I'd rather we had the money than the item. Thats not universally true, but it is pretty much true.

Not to say that celebrations are entirely out, though since my wife has this thing about nubile hookers with flexible, um, morals, the kind that comes to mind likely isn't going to happen. But, you know, thats probably goodness, too. I would really not know how to proceed with one. No, really. I've wondered for a long time -- what do you do with a hooker? Not the literal this goes here, that goes there, oral sex doesn't mean just talking about it, but the logistics of the whole process. When I saw Scent of A Woman, I was quite taken by the image of the elegant -- hooker seems a bit coarse, but thats what she was -- and the night of delights. I'd occasionally muse about how totally awesome that must be (well, till I found out about Elliot Spitzer), but I knew in my heart that if I were ever in that situation, I'd be just as suave, cool, and confident as your average pimply-faced adolescent. Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me? So, no hookers for Father's Day.

But according to the Christian Science Monitor, thats okay, because lots of guys are cutting back this year.