I had one of those nights where I slept, I know I did, but I also know that I woke up several times. And I know why I woke up, too -- I was worried about what my blood sugar reading would be this morning, and I was mad, mostly -- okay, entirely -- at myself, because the higher than normal number meant that the dental work I was going to have done won't be done until it comes down. So I'm lookig at a mininum of a three month delay, which blows the hope of getting part of it done this year. In the grand scheme of things, thats not all that big a deal, but this is something that I've wanted to have done and gone, and, like a kid who kicks the ball he's trying to grab, I keep doing things to push it off.
In our bathroom, there's a sign I taped to the cabinet, months ago: Every Day is a Chance to Make It Better. It refers to blood sugar levels, and was put there when I routinely had the kind of trouble I've had in the last twenty four hours, but it generally refers to anything that is slowing me down -- and sometimes, it seems, theres a lot of things with that effect. I have to force myself to remember that much of what affects me is under my own control. The bright eyed believers in certain California concepts would say that even for the things that are not, I can still perk up my response to them, so that I don't get all glum and grouchy; I've tried to do that, but never with any success. I think that you have to start out on a higher plane of -- what, self-awareness, self-control? -- before you can do that. So the sign is there to remind me to take a deep breath, and focus. It doesn't always help, but sometimes, it does.
This morning's number, incidentally, was excellent. The track record is that an excellent number, after a day of truly abysmal numbers, will frequently be followed by bad ones, even if I've been careful in what I ate that day. Don't know why, but I know it based on experience. Its how my physiology operates. So for the next day or so, I'm going to have to be pretty careful, and take lots of readings, and be prepared to take drugs frequently. I will be grumpy about that, because every time that I do it, when I normally wouldn't have to, its kind of an admission of failure. What I have to focus on is that it may be that, but its definitely an action to get control. And control is very important to me.
6 comments:
I hope you're successful with keeping your levels down. I'm from a family full of diabetics, so I know what you're talking about. Taking the meds is NOT an admission of failure tho. It's recognizing the severity of the problem, and doing something constructive about it.
Great idea to hang the sign, in such a visible place too. :)
I don't think anyone's ever said to me that taking drugs is an admission of failure, though they do imply it (what? you take THAT many drugs? ); I'm abnormally sensitive to that.
Senstivity to comments about drugs proving that I am NOT a child of the sixties.... At least, I don't think I am. You know what they say; if you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.
Hows your exercise level, I know that has a lot to do with my fasting sugars being too high at times. I'm finally figuring out the foods that send me thru the roof. I can't even eat french fries anymore, they are terrible for me and also soda crackers.
I've been biting the bullet so to speak and trying to gain control too~4 days a week at the gym walking for an hour 11 plus miles last week alone, I know that doesn't sound like much but with a sore back it seems to be alot to me. Good luck, I hope you feel some control soon.
Doesn't sound like much? On the contrary, it sounds like quite an impressive amount!
I put up signs for myself, too.
I felt silly doing it -- I'm not into (makes quote signs with fingers) affirmations. But I hear they work, so I did, and now I am glad I did. I tried putting up one or two others, and they did not take, but this one appears to be a keeper.
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