Aha

I realized that the reason I'm nervous is not because of the CT scan, which is nothing, but because it brings me one step closer to having surgery or having a cast. And that scares me, because both remind me of how much flexiblility I lost after the hip repair, and only recovered slowly, over a long time, and not entirely. I hate losing it again. I resent that a moment of -- I don't know what to call it, lack of caution? Stupidity? -- did this to me. Dammit.