Well, perhaps not quite that bad, but still -- last night was a tense one. It revolved around our daughter's course selections for next year.
She's determined that she wants to drop from Level 1 to Level 2 for her Science requirement, while keeping all of the others at Level 1. Her logic is that she's not doing all that well now, getting Bs and the occasional C; with the same effort and an easier course, she'd get As and the occasional B. Both levels are considered 'college prep'.
My wife feels that she's copping out, looking to have to do less work, so that she'll still get Bs and the occasional C. Both of us feel that she could get better grades now if she worked harder at it. (I suppose that's the standard parent view).
It does not help that my wife's sister, the FEMA exec, with whom my daughter will be doing a 'shadowing' program, told her that basically any degree at all is good enough to get into FEMA, so now that's my daughter's default plan. Not 'coast along' exactly, but in that general arena.
My wife was livid about it last night. Absolutely livid.
Oh, and today's the day my daughter gets midterm grades.
7 comments:
Step back, breathe deeply. I can guarantee in the grand scheme of things this is not worth fighting over. I had bigger battles that I lost with my son, but putting it all in perspective, it will work out for the best.
I don't think that the science class selection is a big deal. I do think that not pushing yourself IS a big deal. I say this as someone who didn't do it in high school, myself.
One thing's constant: the 'guidance counselors' are nothing of the sort -- though they've evolved from 'keepers of the pamphlets' to 'guidance cheerleaders'.
With the professionalism that Obama is bringing in, I'd have to contend that FEMA will change its hiring in the "not distant future".
And considering that the debacle that Bush left FEMA as, I doubt any President in the next 40 years will ignore it as Bush (et al) did! His lackadaisical oversight/management of that department set the stage for not just his low approval ratings: it also helped the Republicans to consecutive defeats.
So the excuse that FEMA will accept anything just isn't going to fly. Obama is probably going to bring it back to Clinton-era levels of efficiency and achievement. That requires specialized knowledge, not just "any old degree"!
(Although I'm not sure rational arguments like that work on teenagers... Sorry!)
Other than that, I think it pays to push oneself - it makes you hungry for the satisfaction of difficult accomplishments. :-) At least it does for me. On the other hand, my nieces and nephew aren't all that keen on pushing themselves. Maybe it's something to do with being a teen?
Carolyn Ann
I think that teens can and do push themselves and sometimes they need to not push themselves so that they feel they have control over their lives. If this is a pattern in behavior then there may be a need for concern. But if not, I think we all sometimes need to take a pass. I do not think she will have problems meeting FEMA's standards from what you have written about her--- even under Obama...trust me, I know.
My gut feeling is that she thinks she's doing ok. From an average standpoint, she is. I don't think I'm being insane to think that settling for 'doing ok' is NOT ok. Hypocritical, perhaps -- in high school, thats exactly what I did, and I turned out ok.
And I am trying VERY hard not to even think of her friend who is currently number one in GPA ranking for her class.
I got into a competition with another lad at school - we were vying for the best grades. He was always that little bit ahead of me (if I got 96%, he got 97 or 98, that sort of thing), but the competition really did spur me to ever greater effort!
I heard he went on to be a doctor; but someone else told me he was in prison for embezzlement. Of course, he could have "achieved" both! (It's been a few years since I last asked after him.)
But I do remember the competition: it really did motivate me. Thinking back on it, that was probably good "training" for the rather brutal world of Wall St!
To be honest, I don't know if there is a way of motivating someone who doesn't want to do extend themselves. I know my brother gets frustrated when his kids don't make an effort: but they're adults now, and as I told him, "they have to live their own lives".
Is peer pressure playing a role in her decision? The "don't be too clever/make too much of an effort, you'll get picked on/become unpopular/not be liked/insert whatever here" thing? (One thing I do know about excuses: they're often used to obfuscate the real reason.)
Sorry. I don't mean to pry, and I know it's frustrating for you. You have written of this, before.
Carolyn Ann
I expect good bordering on great from her, and what I'm getting is good. Others have much more serious problems - kids who are profoundly disinterested, kids or are literally unable. She's interested, she's able. I don't want to sound as if I feel that she's got to be the high school equivilent of Phi Beta Kappa. To be honest, I don't know if she could be. But I do think she could do better, and when all I get from schools is the equivilent of that incredibly lame work phrase, 'work smarter, not harder', I get furious.
Motivation comes from within, ability comes from within, but understanding how to best focus and use those qualities -- that, I believe, OUGHT to come from the school, and, by and large, it does not.
She does know NOT to mention color guard to me when I'm irritated about this, though.
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