I realized some time ago that when my gut wants to be irrational, there is very little chance that I'll be able to overrule it. I'm doing good just to recognize this.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the oral surgeon who's going to do the implants. The next step in this process is to have a bone graft done. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that he'll come to the conclusion that he can't do the graft. This is a pretty conservative guy, and he likes to express concern about things that he's previously said would be no problem, so I think there's a one in ten, perhaps two in ten chance that he'll do this. If he really does decide that he can't do it, then thats it -- the process stops, there's no surgery, and I live with a dental plate. Although its not desirable, I can live with it.
The second worst thing that can happen is that he does the surgery, and it doesn't take -- the graft doesn't bond with the existing bone. In that case, there's one, maybe two outcomes. One is the same as the first; the other is that he can do implants on the ends of my jaw, but not in the middle. I assume that in that case they can give me a fake center piece that would be removable, and hooks into the implants.
Either way, I know what the worst is, and its livable. But I still have this fear that there is something else, something I didn't think about, something that will turn out to have been my fault. I have a track record of medical people telling me things I didn't want to hear, frequently with that cause, and I fear that this is going to happen again. I have no rational reason for thinking this; I do, anyway.
I do like being irrational, but not this way.
2 comments:
I think the first most important thing is that it's good you're recognizing what is irrational thought. :) That's progress!
(If only we could bottle that understanding and then spike the water supply in DC with it...)
Your next step, grasshopper, is to recognize what things you can control and the things you have no control over. Just recognize them.
Try that for a while... and then, and this is the big one, allow yourself opportunity to worry about only the things you can control.
Do that and you can sell lots of self-help books!
(fingers crossed that it goes well!)
Intellectually, I know when I cannot control something. My guilt kicks in when its somehow my fault. In the case of dental, its (my guess) about 60% heredity, 40% bad dental habits that have led me to this predicament.
Some time ago, relative to taking blood sugar readings, I developed this mantra: It Is What It Is. Not Looking Doesn't Change it.
As for the session, it was okay. He didn't give me bad news, but he did give me unpleasant news. Apparently, there will be about a two month period when I'll be able to wear the dental plate but not use it to bite, and only lightly to chew. Two months! One of the things I've noticed is that these guys don't ever mention things like that up front. I guess they've learned that people like me use that as a reason to back off, but man, is it frustrating.
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