Retirement

Although we tell people that I am, I don't think of myself as retired.

Part of that is that being retired is what old people do, and, my earlier comments about codgerism notwithstanding, I don't think of myself as old. Granted, I'll soon -- in about 6 months -- be in the age bracket that I used to think definitely signified old. I don't subscribe to the AARP view of aging -- which seems to be one third You're just as virile/feminine as you ever were...and now you have the time and money to put it all into play!!! and two thirds Bladder control -- it can so be a fun part of your life! (is this print big enough for you?) -- but I do think that aging is mostly how you view yourself. Not entirely, but substantially. I suspect that when I'm 80 (if I ever am), I'll still have a sense of humor that borders on the infantile at times, and I'll still find certain, ahem, photographs intriguing -- even if I'm no longer sure exactly why. At some point, I really will be old enough to be retired -- but not yet.

And part of it is that 'retired' implies 'I don't earn money', which isn't an image I'm ready to embrace, either. I don't like the idea that I can't earn money, and not just Walmart greeter money, but actual salary earnings. I do like not working, but I don't particularly care for the thought that I can't work. It does seem that everything I really know how to do well requires a massive structured environment -- not too many people have their own mainframe computer for use as a home business -- which tends to seriously limit what I can contemplate doing to earn money -- lemonade, mister? -- but it doesn't rule out the possibility. Just limits it. A lot.

We're learned that there are things that we ought not to do together, or do them only with clearly defined areas of expectation -- I'm going to do this, why don't you do that. This morning, we kind of crossed that boundary when I had made a menu list for next week, asked her for opinions, and then started getting the grocery list together. When she said, halfway through that process, that she wanted to make something that wasn't on the menu, it bothered me. It shouldn't have, of course, but it did - and it took me a while to say you're being stupid, get over it. I want to be sure that when we're both retired, that isn't a problem. I've seen old people squabble about the silliest things. Thats not for me.

Retired? Not quite -- yet. But I'm working on it.