Handling Children

I imagine everyone thinks that the way they handle children is the best.

I tend to treat kids over the age of 10 as small adults. I tease them as I do with younger ones, but I also talk seriously -- well, quasi-seriously -- with them, asking them what they think about various things. All of this comes into play with my daughter, through the years and now. Though I am loathe to admit it, there is something to the idea that she has me wrapped around her finger; I'm more likely to cut her slack than is her mother. Not completely, though; I've learned, in watching her with her mother, that there are times for laxity and times for strictness, and though I am not as strict as her mother, there are times when, were it up to me, I'd cut her slack, but I don't. I am sure my daughter appreciates this.

One of those periods is happening right now. My daughter has her cousin visiting, and they're usually getting along okay. But, my daughter has a friend who is having a small get together of kids who've been together since middle school. The gathering is tonight. Our feeling is that she shouldn't abandon her cousin for this. When I say 'our', I mean 'her mother, and me, somewhat'. Part of why I can accept this is that my daughter is going to be away three nights, partially, for color guard and for karate; the idea of leaving again to have fun with others seems a bit much. On the other hand, I know how she feels. That's usually when you push your parents to let you do what you want, devil take the consequences. It's my wife who's better at pointing out the consequences; I try to moderate that, though not always. And we never, ever undercut each other. I have heard that kids will play one parent against the other, given the chance, and though I think not MY daughter, we don't intend to give her the chance. United front, and all that.

Kids are more of an intellectual exercise than I'd expected, but also an instinctive one. I had always thought that you sort-of planned out how you would handle them, but it seems now that its partially that -- here's what we're going to do, generally -- but its also what you're comfortable doing -- what seems right to you, without thought. It's who you are, distilled.