Sabado

The whole house fan is running, pulling in some of the cool outside air before we have to button the place up for our overnight trip. I wonder, on occasion, what the cat thinks about things like that. I'm sure that, being an animal that lives in the moment, seeing me just before it goes to sleep, and then again just after it wakes up, it assumes that the two moments are contiguous, thought it might, in passing, wonder how the heck I change clothes so quickly. Then again, noticing it watching me as I get dressed, it may wonder just how I get that outer skin off at all. The last time we were away overnight, she came bounding down the stairs on our return, with a where the hell were YOU? attitude. I expect that to happen this time around, too. Years ago, I read of an author -- I think it was Ray Bradbury -- who named a collection of stories something like The Door Into Summer, because his cat was apparently amazed when a door which was last opened in the summer, onto warm breezes and greenery, wasn't opened again until the next summer. The other doors, the cat knew, led to cold, white snow and freezing temperatures, but it assuming that that door led to summer. I've always liked that image. I will occasionally say that our cat regards the door into the storage room (and hence into the garage) as The Magic Portal, because though when we go through any other door in the house, we come right back, when we go through that door, we're gone for hours. Or what passes for hours, given that she likely sleeps for most of it. Perhaps cats regard sleep the way we'd regard suspended animation for sleeper ships?

I've discovered what, for lack of a better word, I'll call a technique for making French toast. I did it accidentally the first time, intentionally this morning, and both times it was good. What happened was that I had the frying pan on for French toast, and a smaller, heavier one for sausage. Since it takes about half an hour for the sausage to cook (even if I nuke it first, though that does seem to help the center to cook more thoroughly), I had the FT pan on a low setting. The sausage was almost done when I thought to check the FT. Damn - it was barely cooked! So I kicked the pan -- its a steel one -- up to about halfway, and dumped some more butter in. Hey, presto, in a matter of moments the FT was done, and done the way we like it -- crisp on the outside, softer on the inside. Now, this was with regular sliced bread, so I don't know how it'd work with a thicker slice of, say, challah. But I'm willing to give it a shot, because the results here have been terrific.

I am not a Woman's Day reader. I don't scorn it, I just don't see anything in there for me. But this week, I was picking up the van from the body shop -- we'd found some nascent rust that we wanted to put in check -- and while I was waiting for them to total the bill (damn good thing I knew it'd be huge; with a credit card, you don't actually have to look at the amount), I picked up one from their stack of magazines. The cover said this was The Man Issue, and to prove it they had a picture of a gihugic burger with all the trimmings -- thick slab of meat, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, all of it. Okay, fine. I leafed through the index. Some very wimpy articles, like the one by the guy who is sad-face because his kids no longer think, at seven or eight, that he's as funny or indispensable as they did when they were two or three. Good god. But the one that got me was the one titled The Husband Whisperer: Tap into the inner workings of the male mind to boost your marital bliss. Now, when I see articles that purport to Explain Guys, I usually look at them, because I can always use some insight into why I do and feel what I do. Granted, those articles are normally explaining guys in their mid-twenties, but as this was Woman's Day, which I assume is aimed at pre-matron-age women, I figured the article would be talking about guys who were about ten years older -- which seemed to be the case. And the first couple of suggestions made sense to me -- say please and thank you, lead by example. And that first one included a practical tip -- touch the person when you ask, because that makes a practical, almost subliminal connection with them. I thought of how people who like to manipulate your emotions -- car salesmen, politicians -- will do that, and thought yes, that sounds right. The third was right out of Doctor Feelgood -- don't complain, but rather get them to empathize. Honey, its really hard for me to move the dumpster, could you help me? Seems a bit manipulative to me, but, okay, people do respond to straight-out requests for help, so, sure.
And then I hit number four.
Reward good behavior -- the sexier, the better. Their expert says "Women often find men who are good husbands and fathers sexy, so the hint of an even greater reward in the bedroom will almost guarantee success". Oh, really??? Now, heck, I'm male. Someone cute asks me to do something, I'm a little more likely to say sure. But the idea that I have to be tantalized? Tricked? That doesn't sit well. But wait, perhaps I misinterpreted. "I let my husband pick from several chores I wanted to hand over, then I told him about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (sex!) that would be waiting for him if he handled that chore for the next few weeks." With that attitude, I don't care if it's the currently reigning Queen of Lust, I'm going to tell her to get bent. This woman's husband, though, falls hard for it -- and, she's amazed and delighted to report, he's still doing it, weeks later! Is it just me, or does that sound like you train a dog?

Ahem. Woman's Day? Fuck off.

The article about making the best burger was interesting, though.