I came to a sort of realization while I was at the breakfast table this morning. I'm not sure if its going to affect how I act, but I thought it significant. I had been thinking about how how I wanted to focus on making sure my daughter works hard in high school, especially given that its going to be more difficult, and she's occasionally willing to cut herself slack. This is important stuff, I thought. And then I thought about how I wanted her to grow up to be strong, confident, and capable, able to evaluate risks, make decisions, all of that. And I realized that just as she's entering this important phase of her life, she's entering an important phase of maturation -- and that tightly overseeing her might inhibit her ability to do this kind of thing herself, later, even if its short-term beneficial. And that part of her maturation is letting her make mistakes, guarding her only from the most serious ones, so that she learns how to fail. Which is, itself, a terrifying thought for me. And, finally, that throughout all of this, I have to be willing to watch, and to listen, even when I really want to be telling. I have to trust her, more than I really want to. Even while she's being snide to us.
What a mind-full for a Saturday morning, huh?
I'm still reading Dune (I'd forgotten what a dark novel it can be). I'm also dipping into the Understanding Baking book (its not casual reading) and into the book about women and negotiation (not bad). I read a brief column, this morning, by Tom Davenport, a business guru I respect for his common-sense attitude to what works and what doesn't, talking about someone who thinks that the use of wikis is a transformational act that will alter the way government does business -- and how he thinks it's a useful tool, but not the tsunami of change that this fellow seems to think it is. It reminded me -- as so much of management literature does -- of how we're always looking for the easy fix, the silver bullet. Then a miracle occurs.... in that moment, the plant staff was enlightened.
5 comments:
Dude, you ARE deep for a Saturday morning.
I'm going to the bookstore later today. I think I might pick up that Understanding Baking book. Dune is way too dark for me, and I'm very blah on business lately since my company announced more layoffs before the end of the year and that we're being courted for purchase by a huge German telecom company.
So yeah, business...phooey.
But baking, yum!
I agree about letting your daughter make some mistakes. It's hard to do, though...keeping quiet on the sidelines. I find myself wanting to lecture my nieces so much, and I probably do. But I worry that if I lecture too much, then they'll tune me out and not be willing to listen to anything I say at all.
It's a tough job being a parent, and knowing when to guide loudly, or guide quietly. As we near the teen years, (okay, not for 4 more years, but my oldest is ahead of the others in hormonal attitudes), I'm realizing my tactics are needing to change. Like I said .. it's damn tough being a parent!
You know what's NOT deep for a Saturday, is flowers .. and your flowers are looking lovely (the pics you posted a few days back). :)
So you think you can handle your teenager in high school? That she now listens to a darned thing you say?
The only thing that will work now Bill is to make sure she has mad money, and a phone list.
It is too late to teach her the Bene Gesserit way.....
Wow quite the Saturday morning! I think you are spot on with your assessment of the situation, as much as you hate to see her not live up to her full potential this is a key time in her life to develop self-discipline skills. As you know, you won't be there when she goes to college and if she has depended on you to push her, college can be difficult.
I think you should tell her about this, how you want her to take initiative with her own learning. Heck, I'd even be willing to tell her about my experiences if you wanted me to.
It took me until college to realize the true value of learning and taking responsibility for my learning. Even then, it took being surrounded by passionate learners to actually care and I know I have been lucky to have that kind of community.
Ok, end rant : )
Quite the crop of responses; my golly.
LC -- the baking book's worthwhile, but it is NOT a recipe collection, but rather 'how ingredients work'. To give you a feeling, it starts with a description of a kernel of wheat, and how wheat became first a propagated and then a cultivated crop. But its not casual reading, even for a foodie (and I don't think of myself as one).
Rach -- guide loudly, guide quietly. I like that concept a lot. Thanks about the flowers. Its more my wife than me, but I'm willing to take the credit, as I did spend about three hours digging out growths she didn't want -- some weeds, some over-ambitious grasses and poppies -- along with spreading mulch last night. What fun.
Stag -- I think she does listen -- but selectively. Its up to me to understand how to be selective. If I had to guess, I'd say about a third of what I want her to hear, she actually hears -- and about half of that affects her. Somewhat.
Bene Gesserit -- I like that. Would that we could all be so controlled and focused. For years, when I was younger, I wished I had gone to a Jesuit-run school. I admire their attitude. Of course, I'd have done miserably, as I'm not too good with authoritarian structures.
Shannon -- I'm thinking it might be interesting to let her see a couple of actual colleges, this summer.... or during the school year. Sort of a 'this is what their environment is like, kiddo'. I liked your observation about what it took for you.
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