A few days ago, I posted something that my daughter had written. Today, I found the second draft.
Colorguard is a sport not many people know about and some who do don’t really care. But the (school) colorguard is something to be proud of. They have won many first place trophies, are the current group three champions for the past three years and hold the record score of 98.8. But pride is not always good since it can lead you to slack off and be lazy.
As some people know the (school) colorguard is a very good organization. They work at least eight hours a week to improve but that doesn’t mean that during the eight hours a week that they should be practicing, they are. Last out door season in (school) colorguard two others and my self had approximately five sets of work in the whole show while almost everyone else had at least thirty set of work, even the other people who were just as new as I was. So while the other people were working on the many sets of work they had the two others and myself stand in the back near my prop. We would just talk or sing songs, our pride told us that after all the time and practice that we had on our one part we were so much better at it than all of the other people. In reality we were just as good and maybe a little bit worse than them.
So as some may now get from reading this pride can be a bad thing. It is the plant that bears two seeds. In this case it blinded our judgement. So pride can be good just don’t let it blind you.
I compared it to her first draft, and I was impressed.
2 comments:
The second draft is definitely improvement over the first. She takes it from just describing to explaining what pride can do to you.
Tell her to keep up the good work :-)
Well, that'll be difficult, because she doesn't know I saw either one. But I'll look for an opportunity...
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