How fucking STUPID can people BE?
I'm back. So, to distract myself, I thought I'd bake something, and here's the recipe I made. I found it here.
Danish pastry apple bars
Ingredients
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup shortening
1 egg yolk
milk
1 cup cornflakes
8-10 Granny Smith apples, peeled and sliced (8 cups)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Egg Wash:
1 egg white
1 tablespoon water
Topping:
sifted powder sugar or whipped cream
Hardware
Large bowl
2 x small bowls
1-cup glass measuring cup
Pastry blender (optional)
15x10x1-inch baking pan
Rolling pin
Step 2: In a large bowl, stir together flour and salt.
Step 3: With a pastry blender or knife cut in small pieces of shortening until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
Step 4: Place egg yolk in 1-cup glass measuring cup; lightly beat with fork.
Step 5: Add enough milk to egg yolk to make 2/3 cup; mix well.
Step 6: Add egg yolk mixture to flour mixture; mix well.
Step 7: Divide dough in half. On a lightly floured surface roll half of dough into an 18x12-inch rectangle.
Step 8: Place dough into bottom of an ungreased 15x10x1-inch baking pan.
Step 9: Sprinkle with cornflakes.
Step 10: Top with apples.
Step 11: Combine granulated sugar and cinnamon in small bowl; sprinkle over apples.
Step 12: Roll remaining dough into a 16x12-inch rectangle. Arrange over apples. Seal top pastry to bottom pastry. Cut slits in top of pastry.
Step 13: In a small bowl, beat egg white and water. Brush mixture over pastry.
Step 14: Bake for 50 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on wire rack. Serve warm or cool. If desired top with powdered sugar or whip
I should note that I made a couple of changes -- mostly, I didn't use nearly as many apples as they suggested -- more like 2 0r 3 -- and even then, I got a thick, stuffed pastry. And, I used a smaller pan -- 9x12, not 10x18. I can only assume that the people who came up with this can roll dough way thinner than I can. Oh, and that combination of juice and sugar makes a hell of a sticky glaze, so next time I'm going to put it on greased aluminum foil -- this time, I had to nuke it to get the cooled pastry out of the tray!
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