Religion

I don't get religion.

I know that it's supposed to bring to mind these guys , but for me, it tends to be more these guys.

It's not that I don't get the need for religion, which I take it can be quite comforting and consoling in both an intellectual and emotional sense, granting a feeling of structure and preordination at times when you might need it, but I really don't get the execution of the thing. I don't understand why they do it the way they do it.

Our church likes hymns. I understand that people like to sing hymns. I understand that. What I don't get is the way they choose what to sing. Our local church, for example, likes really old hymns, ones that are dusty and dry, with many references to Old Testament people. The music for this things is dull, lumbering, and stultifying -- what I like to refer to as Death of God music. I just don't get that. If the idea of the hymns is to excite you, delight you, remind you of why you come to church, invigorate you in the community of the people you're with, shouldn't the music be dynamic, charming, and elegant to the ear? I mean, I was never much of a fan of folks singing Michael, Row The Boat Ashore one more time with guitar accompaniment, but at least that was an attempt to be relevant to the moment. What's Death of God music relevant to?

And the robes. Protestants do this, too, but Catholics! Why do Catholic priests dress the way that they do? What has dressing like someone from two thousand years ago have to do with the spiritual component? How does dressing in satins and silks enhance the moment?

I think that Masses ought to be what I like to call Web-enabled. No need to physically go, on a cold, rainy day -- click on the URL for your church! Streaming video from the church, downloadable MP3s of the sermon. Click here to put money in the collection plate. Click here to make a recurring donation. If your church believes in Hosts, then ten-packs of unconsecrated hosts sent to your home; at the appropriate moment, put one on the Special Host Platen and it'll be consecrated remotely. Why can't they do that?

I just don't get it.