I just picked up my daughter from an after-school activity. On the way back, I was doing the usual 'how was school' interrogation, when she mentioned that they'd just had the annual sexuality discussion as part of PE. "You don't like that, do you?" I said, and she shook her head. It tends to gross her out. But I thought it would be a good idea to talk about it anyway, especially after she said that her teacher told them only about one in six families actually discuss sexuality with their child. My daughter observed that her mother had talked with her a bit, and given her some literature, but I thought that perhaps a bit more than that was called for, so we did talk a bit, me taking advantage of something I've read recently about how kids can find it easier to talk in the car when the parents attention is not -- cannot be -- focused on them.
Which is how I found myself listening as she talked to me about tampons.
I wasn't actively uneasy, thought I have (obviously) limited knowledge of these things. I did not object, or turn away -- that 'in the car' things works in both directions -- and I did listen with some interest (some pretended, I admit) when she told me that if you leave a tampon in too long, you can get sick and even die. She doesn't use them, she said; she can't get them in. Which kind of falls into the category of too much information, I think. But it did give me a chance to tell her my only tampon-related joke. She thought it was pretty funny.
Communication is a wonderful thing.
4 comments:
Wow, Bill. Now, see... this is why I have two labrador retrievers (both spayed) instead of kids. it just hasn't been necessary to have the sex talk with them. You're a braver man than I am.
Brave? Hardly. I just remember -- and told her -- that when I was in high school, the extent of sex education was that we were told that necking was a bad thing. I had no idea what necking was! I told my daughter that it was good that she was learning more than I knew, even if it was icky at times, because lack of knowledge was how kids got unpleasantly surprised. Which is when I got surprised -- she told me that her teacher talked with her class about oral sex! I told her that I had heard of kids who thought that was a completely safe alternative to sex, and she said no, she knew that you could get STDs that way. I was startled.
In a way I wish she did NOT know these things, and I can understand how some parents might feel that this knowledge might make kids more likely to experiment. I hope she does not, but if she does, she'll do it knowing that the gun is loaded.
Wow, I'm so not wanting to get to this stage with my own girls, but I know taking one day at a time is the way to face it. My parent's didn't tell me a thing .. but we did learn some things in Grade 9, but in this day and age, I believe that's too late. I plan on telling my kids things on a need to know basis. Kids in general, are starting to experiment far to early, and I'm of the mind frame that what they don't know about is what they want to experiment and find out. So loading up our children with knowledge is the best tools we can hand them for this big decisions they'll face.
I do have to hand it to you. Father's of girls tend to shy away from these very discussions, and it's great the both of you have such a relationship that it can be discussed openly. :)
I think they're likely to experiment driven either by hormones or by ignorance (gee, what do they mean by that, lets mess around and see). I think that knowledge can help them restrain the hormones (gee, I'd LIKE to mess around, but since it could have this negative impact, I'm not going to).
I've never been reluctant to talk with her about it (oddly, my wife IS reluctant; I think she feels squeamish about it, also, theres a bit of 'this is my little girl, its dirty and wrong to discuss orgasms with her'). I don't push the concept, but rather treat it very matter of factly. That style works with her, but I would bet it does not work with every kid. The old 'horse to water' concept.....
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