Verbiage

On a drive this evening, my wife mentioned that she'd noticed that when other people spoke of those who had died, particularly those close to them, they would say they passed on, whereas when she spoke of my mother, she'd say she died. She wondered what I thought about that. I told her that in my view it was not only reasonable to say it as she did, it was preferable. It put the event up front in black and white, and forced you to face it, to deal with it.

Of course, I added, after a moment, I can say my mother died without too much trouble, but I still stumble a bit over my mother is dead.

Mento

I mentioned to the guidance counselor about how difficult I find it to come up with even a skosh of an idea about how to motivate the mento, and she said that she had two sons in college who would say that they wished they'd known how important some things stressed in high school were, at the time they were there. To which I thought So you're telling me that a professional can't do it, either?

But the other thing was that when she asked the mento if he wanted a mentor again this year, he asked if it would be me, and when she said it would, he seemed actively delighted. I'm amazed.

Hallowe'en

Hallowe'en can be pretty disappointing if there aren't very many kids around.

When we moved to this area, there were a healthy number of families with young kids. Now, not so many. We had two families come by -- the people who live across the street, with a daughter who's about 5, and the people who live about five houses away, with three young kids ranging from 3 to 7. That's it. We know of two other families who have a child in the prime age for going door to door, but they didn't -- at least, they didn't come into our cul-de-sac. I always think that we're going to get twenty or thirty kids, and I'm always disappointed.

The very first year we lived in the house, we didn't know that the school, district mandates when Hallowe'en will be celebrated, and we were astonished when kids showed up. We didn't have a thing. The next year, we got some supplies, and ran out about halfway through the evening. I didn't realize that that was as tumultuous as it was going to get. One year, which, granted, was a year when a lot of kids were sick, we didn't get any. On average, last few years, we've gotten: five. I joke that it'd be easier just to give them each a buck and send them on their way.

Maybe next year.....

Volunteering

Today I met with the vice-president of a local health care operation regarding doing a bit of volunteering. It's the dominant health care operation in this area, but they're still pretty small. The VP, for example, has one part-time person as her staff.

The task would be to get a piece of software operational for them. It's not an install -- the software is resident on the vendor's system, and they already have access to it -- but its something like it. They want to transition from using a paper tracking system to this software, which means (probably) data entry out the wazoo (guess who gets to do that), and some learning/training on the software (which actually sounds like fun). So, I'm thinking: yeah, let's do this. Maybe it'll cure me of my tendency to say how hard could it be?

Proof of my Idiocy

I'm going to start spending two hours a Saturday, once every two-three weeks, in a library with my mento, going over his homework and what he's been studying.

I must be insane.

Comments

Some time ago, I mentioned in this blog that I was pretty down -- I'd done some dumb things, including smashing the side view mirror on the Prius. In retrospect, that was minor, but at the time..... I got two comments back that meant so much to me, I saved them in a file on my PC. I don't look at them often, but I have a link from the desktop so that I can.

I just did. Nothing's wrong, I just am a little crabby about school and my daughter/my mento, the election next week (I never feel ready), and some other things.

Reading both comments cheered me -- they said that about me? -- but the last line of one stuck with me:

"Without getting maudlin, I wish I had half your drive and determination."

My golly. And here I didn't feel like I had any drive or determination. Okay, granted, those are old comments, and I even still have one from a person who I used to consider a friend and only reluctantly realized that she was nothing of the sort -- so old comments do expire. But even if this one did, that someone once thought that about me --

Lifts your spirits right up.

Surprise

My mother died the day before our anniversary. While cleaning up my mother's stuff, my wife found someting.

A beautiful 25th anniversary card.

It's as if she reached out and gave it to us. It's my mother, to a T. I really, really like it.

Overcast

Another rainy day. Predicted to last till the end of the week.

Last night, my daughter made the tactical error of mentioning to me that she has 'a firm 83 in math'. That's a firm C. We're going to talk about that. I have nothing new to observe regarding all of this, butI'm giving up on the people at the school having any helpful insights. I'm ready for extreme measures, including mandating much more study time each night, being actively, involved in that study time, and possibly even hiring tutors.

Of course, just to give the finger to my gritted-teeth resolve for greater attention to academics, my daughter has color guard this weekend. On Friday. On Saturday. And on Sunday. She might, perhaps, squeeze in some studying. Possibly not. Eat that, math boy.

Solitary

A very quiet evening -- the daughteroid and mother are off to a color guard event; they won't be home until about 11 or 11:30. I've been downstairs. Part of the time, I took a bath in that soaking bathtub, and part of it, I watched television and thought about HD big screen entertainment.

The tub: I don't think it was a good idea to get it. I'd wanted to go with a walk-in sit-down shower stall, but my mother really wanted the tub, so that's what we did. Now, having used it, I think: not as good as it could be. Part of it is that filling the tub essentially drains our hot water tank; at the end, there, when I'd have liked more hot water, it was running lukewarm, at best. It came up to about my navel, so it's not as if you're submerged, as in a full-length stretchout tub. Takes about 10 minutes to fill; about five minutes to drain. I brought a book, but once your hands are wet -- well. So, if there's no alternative, it'd work. But if I were to do it again -- walk-in shower.

The TV: I am not used to spending a lot of money all at once, and I'm not used to discarding something that works. We're spending a chunk of money for the Tivo (we're buying the DVR with their Lifetime deal) and for the replacement TV. We don't need Tivo, and the current TV works just fine. Okay, the color is sometimes a little off, but it works. Now we're getting the Tivo unit, and the HD service with about 5 times as many channels as we have now, and, almost certainly, the TV itself, bigger than what we have by about 150 percent. I know we'll like it. I just don't like spending the money. Here's the wierd part: except for the cost of the television, this is going to actually be cheaper than we have now.

comcast tv, internet.........106................verizon tv, internet.....133
verizon local phone............45...............verizon local phone......50
att long distance.................20...............verizon long distance.....0
..............................................................FIOS discount.............-53
...............................................................subtotal.......................130
...................................................... Tivo svc+dvr/36 months.....20
total/month.......................171...................................................150

Twenty bucks a month less for a much better deal, and still, I'm apprehensive. Will it work, right out of the box -- Tivo this week with Comcast and the current TV and current router, probably; Verizon and the new TV, new router, and Tivo next week -- ah, not sure. Man. And to think I used to gleefully participate in major system upgrades without a qualm......course, then, it wasn't my money. Which is what it comes down to, for me. Are we spending our money wisely? Part of me says yes, you'll like it, it's worth it. Part of me says there's no such thing as it's time, you've earned it, or any of that, and wants to yell STOP!

Funny what you think about when you're all alone.

Baking

Today, I'm making an Apple Gallette. Trying, anyway.

It always takes me at least two tries to get a recipe right. When I read through it -- and after a long time, I did learn to at least scan the damn thing -- I always miss little thing like slice the apples, THEN apply the lemon zest and juice....you DID buy a lemon, didn't you? That was today's misstep. I actually did buy a lemon, but where it is in the mass of food that's still in the refrigerator, is anyone's guess. But, heck, there's always bottled lemon juice. It came together pretty well. Though why the first step is heat the oven to 400, and then the next to last one is refrigerate the gallette before baking..... Personally, I think the power company's behind it.

In an hour, we'll see how things turn out. So far, looking good!

Geez

This morning, they mentioned at mass that the church youth group would be inviting anyone who ever had been in the military to join them at a mass in a gesture of recognition for their service. My daughter leaned over and asked "So, you going to go hang out with the geezers and talk about wars?" I told her that the older I get, the younger they get. But, as it turned out, on the way home, I had a geezer moment.

Five or six college girls were standing at the points of an intersection, collecting money for a charitable organization as part of an annual Penn State effort. Most were just standing there, but one with Asian features was actively dancing back and forth, bobbing up and down and shaking as she held out the basket. On the way out of the store, I thought about her, planning to put money in her basket. Just because I was impressed by those moves.

And then I thought: sixty years old. If I were younger, being attracted by her moves would be no big deal. But at sixty? And I shuddered. Sadly.

Gifts

We were talking about the amount of food left from the memorial service and such. My wife told me that when her aunt had died, so much food was brought to the home that the family called the local grocers and told them not to accept any more orders. The compromise was that they did, but delivered them later, as needed. My daughter said that she thought that a good idea, and would do it when I died. No, I said, you'll say "My dad, he really liked anime, so just bring anime. Lots of it." She thought that plausible, but said that she'd probably say "My dad always wanted a big screen TV, so just bring that." How big does a screen have to be to be 'big screen', I wondered. Wall-size! she exclaimed. Dream on, I advised her.

Well, it's not going to be wall-size.....

Observation

I like when my daughter and I can talk about something, as, for example, our discussion about the Gundam anime this evening.

Knowing that the discussion was part of her elaborate apology for her catastrophic meltdown and screaming fit (yeah, literally) this morning doesn't take away from the pleasure.

V

My golly. This looks scary.

Two Thirds

We are two thirds (or half, if we end up being lavish) of the way toward television nirvana.

a) We ordered a Tivo HD recorder and service. Should be here within a week. I hope we just plug it in, do some obvious things, and have it running with the current TV and standard service. A little skittish about having to connect it to the home LAN.

b) We ordered the Verizon HD service. Should be set up on November 3. I'll be out for the day doing election stuff; my wife will be here to make sure it works.

Some time between the two dates, we will buy the HDTV, bring it home, park it, and have it available to be plugged in when the HD service starts. Some time after, maybe, we'll get an AV receiver -- though I'm not at all sure we need it, the idea of the enhanced audio is attractive to me.

Thats the plan, anyway.

Pip Pip

One of the things that we were planning to do last week, before events intervened, was to buy an HDTV and the Verizon Fios HDTV service; part of the reason for that was that I wanted to upgrade the viewing experience, including getting the Picture In Picture function, which allows you to watch two channels simultaneously. Hurrah, no more lets get back to the first one to see if its back yet! Now I find that while some HDTVs do have it (LG, our first choice, doesn't), the PIP function doesn't just work -- you need two distinct video feeds -- either one from the cable/satellite, and one from a DVR or the like, or a split input from cable/satellite, each with its own tuner to feed the two images.

I am bummed. As things go, it's pretty minor, but still: bummed. Technology: FAIL.

One More

The funeral went well. The homily wasn't bad, my wife's short eulogy was well received, I didn't lose it. Tomorrow's the interment.

It took me a while to be able to say 'my mother died', and another while to say 'my mother is dead' (I'm still not comfortable with that last one). So I can say 'interment', but I can't yet say 'burial'. Possibly by tomorrow.

Old Notes

While looking for things in my mother's bedroom (and I don't know how long we'll call it that, but I would bet 'for a good long time'), we found an autograph book that she'd had in high school, seventy years ago. It was an amazing document for us to read -- a tangible piece of her history that, up to now, I think I might have seen once before, when I was a kid, and my mother was decades from being a senior citizen.

I learned from it that corny humor is forever, because some of the comments in it were used when I went through high school. I learned that many people noted that they wanted to keep in touch, or not be forgotten -- and how many, I wondered, are even still alive? And if they are, remember my mother? Only, it turns out, they might not remember her as I do -- while most have her name, or her obvious nickname, as the salutation, two or three are addressed to 'Mac' -- which is the beginning of her maiden name. People knew my mother as Mac? Looking at her list of favorites -- favorite author, book, sport, teacher, subject -- I recognized only one. Who are these people, these things, I wondered.

And then, in the middle, in not-too-careful script, I came across this --

Ha Ha Ha Ha
It Makes Me Laugh
To Sign My Own
Autograph

My mother wrote that? My mother was a giggling teenage girl? My mother???

Makes me wish I'd known her better.

Viewing

The viewing is over. It was okay. Better than okay, in fact. My mother looked good -- not real, like she looked, but how she'd have looked if she was trying to impersonate the Queen of England. But as I told people, that picture of her -- that was her, and seeing it made me happy. My family and friends had a good time, there was a lot of laughter, and every so often I'd go over just to talk to the woman who looked like my mother -- knowing that the person who was my mother, in the picture, could hear it.

I'm glad. And now we have people at the house, which is goodness, too.

CSI

This is exactly how CSI works. And NCIS. And whatever other alphabet soup agency does with the scientific stuff....