Phone Pfun

We have two phone lines. The first is the one we use about 95% of the time. The second one is predominantly used for long distance calls out, and most of those are to 800 numbers -- my wife, calling in to meetme lines for her job. It took Verizon and AT&T three months to switch both phone lines over to Verizon -- the last cutover, long distance on the second line, didn't happen until January.

Last month, we got a bill reflecting a full month with the primary line, and a couple of days on the secondary line, all with Verizon. This month, we got a bill reflecting a full month with the primary line, and most of a month with the secondary. When we switched, we guessimated that our total bill per month for everything - phone, TV, and Internet - would be about $175 per month. We're currently halfway through a 'one service free' six month period, so our bill last month was about $124. This month's, though, was $205.

What?

So I looked. I had to draw a little diagram, showing each charge, and the components thereof, for the two months -- Verizon does tell you, in usually but not always clear language, what the charges are -- before I understood, but it broke down that the difference came from two things: first, a 'miscellaneous one time charge this month of $38, and second, a 'flat rate' for the second line of $50 -- when the rate for exactly the same service on the first line is $28. This, as they say, dismayed me. So I called. Repeatedly. Due to adverse weather conditions, we are experiencing higher than normal call volumes. Uh-huh. But finally, I did get someone.

The first charge, the miscellaneous one, was what they charged me to switch that second line to long distance with them. I am sure it cost them that much to flip those switches. Oh, yes, I am. Very heavy switches, you see. The second charge was because only one phone line was covered in the FIOS package. The $28 a month gives unlimited local and long distance on that phone (plus caller ID and voice mail), but the exact same services on the other, not part of The Package, is $50. But, the person on the line said, cheerfully, we have a new deal that will drop that cost from $50 a month to $9. Really? Same service? Oh, yes. Its because the second phone line isn't regulated like the primary, so there aren't as many charges, and we can pass that on to you.

Wow, such a deal. Okay, sign us up. Now, she added without taking a breath, there are two things you should know. One is, this new package will switch you to Voice Over IP, which means that (and I forget what it was, but it was a nit). Okay, and the second? Any phone calls you make will now have to have the area code. Across the street, across the country, need the area code. Um...okay. We only make long distance calls on that line, anyway. And my wife said That's just the second line, right? Nope, both lines. Both lines? Argh.... I just couldn't get past that. It's not like I make a lot of calls, but still. Area code just to call the movie theater? Nah. And I was about to say Well, the hell with it, when my wife said Do you have any packages that would cost less and not use VOIP? Wellllll.... we do have a package that would cost you a total of about $27 a month for that phone, and not use VOIP. You'd get thirty minutes of long distance service a month. Do calls to 800 numbers count as long distance? No, they're local. So the first phone stays the same, and the second one would go from $50 a month to $27, we lose unlimited long distance, caller ID, and voice mail on it, we get thirty minutes of long distance, no VOIP requirement to use area codes for local calls, and 800 numbers are free because we have unlimted local calls?

(Somewhat grudgingly) Yes. (Dammit, they actually remembered?)

Do it.

I am so glad I had her standing there, listening to this. And so not surprised that TPC didn't pop up with the best deal, given our constraints on acceptable solutions, right away. Ernestine would have been proud.