Divorce

Occasionally, I will see a blog written by a woman who will say either that she's divorced or that she's about to be divorced. I always wonder about such women.

I wonder, for example, why they got divorced -- how'd that come about. I only know of a couple of divorced people. One was divorced within a year of getting married to a guy with whom she'd lived for at least a year. What happened there? How was the experience of being married so radically different than living together? Another person that I knew got divorced when the guy to whom she was (fairly) happily married got ill, and had to stay at home for a long time while recuperating. One day, she discovered that he had been having an online romantic affair with someone. How'd that happen? Did he project a different, more desirable image online, something he could not or would not do in real life?

I wonder, too, if it affects their self image. Do they feel somehow less attractive as a result of the divorce? I know that the classic image is the divorced woman on the prowl, eager to demonstrate that she's still able to cut it in the relationship jungle. Frankly, I find that image a little hard to believe. Some people, sure -- but as rule, I doubt it. I do suspect that there's a little bit of a hit to the self image, though.

What about kids, pets, all of that? I know of a woman who mentioned on her blog for quite some time that she was married and had a child. Lately, she never mentions the husband. Doesn't say he isn't coming back, or even that he's gone, but I get the impression that she has to spend more time just taking care of things than a married person -- one who can rely on someone else -- would have to do. I took the car in for a checkup; got to remember to hit the bank on the way home; have to spend time getting my daughter ready for school. There's a woman who lives near me; she's not divorced, but her husband isn't here. She mentioned once in a post on Facebook how she has very busy days, between work, activities at her church, and taking care of her son. What's it like, not to have free time? To be able to hand off things to someone else? I remember once, when my daughter was very young, and my wife was sick in bed, sleeping. I didn't feel all that well either, but I was better than she was, so I was in the living room, watching her play...and slowly, slowly drifting off to sleep. Then I'd wake up, terrified -- did I miss something? -- and be really alert for a while...before starting to drift off again. What's it like when your entire life is like that, because you have no one else around to help with your living responsibilities?

My wife tells me that we're never getting divorced. That sounds pretty good to me.