Validation

I considered starting this by saying that my brain’s been in free fall, the last couple of days, but then I reconsidered, given that free fall doesn’t usually imply the kind of directed activity that I’d like to project. On the other hand, free fall does have the advantage that you do end up where you wanted to go, more or less.

I haven’t been actually giving it all that much focused thought, but the subject that I’ve been mulling over has been ‘what do I want to do with the rest of my life, and when do I want to start’. I don’t have a particularly disciplined laser-like approach to questions like that, so I suppose that’s another reason why free fall might be a good analogy. As distinct, from, say, falling like a rock.

I realized some time ago that when I do think about this kind of thing, I tend to think of the constructs of working, and not the process or the goal. That is, I tend to think of Well gee if I had a new computer....or worked in a more physically appealing office...or had a good sound system providing background music – then work would be better. Don’t worry, I know that’s silly – relevant, perhaps, but still, silly. But I am pretty poor at thinking about the process of working. I don’t seem able to think about what it is that I want to be better about work, or what I want to achieve from it that I don’t get now. The best that I can do is talk vaguely about wanting to work with bright people who value me. That’s true, I do, but in a way I think its pathetic, because what its saying is that I want someone else to validate me, to tell me that I'm worthwhile and valued. I can’t seem to generate that validation, myself. You'd think I could, by now!

Still working on it.