From what I just read, I've just been faking it when it comes to being Santa.
An article in the local public TV magazine talks to several people who've been Santa for decades, and they all say that they've gone home with black and blue marks from being kicked, squelching from being peed on, been interrogated as to the name of Mrs. Claus, the names of all of the reindeer, and various other bits of trivia.
They say you 'have to be on top of your game', 'be ready for anything', and 'never promise anything'. They say it helps to have a real suit -- one guy has one made from 800 rabbits; wonder if he mentions that to the kids? -- and a real beard, or at least one 'applied with prosthetic glue'. They relate kids telling Santa that Mom could use new underwear because she walks around all day wearing underwear with holes in it, and, oh by the way, she has a special friend who sleeps over when Dad's away. And sometimes tales much more dire than that.
Gee. And all this time, I thought the idea was just to talk to the kids. Maybe deprogram them from the cult of acquisition, a bit. And to really, really listen. Guess I've got stuff to learn, hmm?
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4 comments:
You are a very funny man. The remark about the 800 rabbits suit is priceless. My grandkids won't even look at my Nutcracker since I told them his whiskers are rabbit fur. You could actually hear them suck their breath in as they said, "Oooh."
Speaking of Santa's we once hired a woman Santa Claus at the school I taught in to come see our first graders. She did a wonderful job. She had the voice down, you couldn't see her bosoms, and she was very patient with all the munchkins. The only problem arose when she had to go to the restroom, and some of the little fellows saw her go in the "Ladies" room. They came running into the room in horror telling me Santa had made a mistake, and they wanted me to "go get him out of there." I proceeded to go in tell him/her in a loud voice that he/she needed to wear his spectacles and be more careful.
Ah, the things we do to keep the magic alive.
Personally, I like the idea of non-traditional Santas. One kid came up to me while I was in The Chair and seriously asked if I believed in Santa Claus, and I told him, quietly, that I believed in the Spirit of Santa Claus; the spirit of understanding, of believing in the goodness of people. He seemed to accept that. I see no reason why that spirit can't be exhibited by others. You don't have to be male, have white skin, or a white beard to be Santa. You just have to believe.
Course, a sackful o'toys doesn't hurt, either.
There used to be a great Santa at the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre in South London near where we used to live. He was the most authentic looking Santa ever with a white beard that he grew himself. It was rather wispy and grey rather than white and he had a lovely kind face with twinkling blue eyes and rosy cheeks like you imagine the real Santa to have. We used to take Archie to see him when he was much younger ofcourse. Once when Santa had been mugged by some idiots who took his blood pressure pills he was being interviewed by a police-woman. A small group of children and parents stood nearby waiting for Santa to continue his work. Archie asked hazel what the pills were for and she , thinking quickly, said they were for his reindeer, to make them fly.Archie seemed quite happy with this answer and was concerned that the pills wouldnt be found and the sleigh and Rudolph etc. wouldnt get up to our rooftop. Archie got his stocking filled with goodies so i guess santa found his magic pills eventually!
Thats really interesting, for a reason you might not expect. Where I live, there is a restaurant that advertises itself as serving 'authentic English food'. The name of the restaurant is The Elephant and Castle. We scoffed at it -- what kind of name is that? Doesn't sound English to me at all !! Imagine our chagrin when, on our trip to London this year, we noticed what's at the end of the Bakerloo line......
Sounds like a *great* Santa, by the way.
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