I Love You Guys!

From time to time, I muse about the concept of motivation and kids. Usually, it's sparked by wondering how I can motivate my mento; less often, by wondering how I can motivate my daughter. I usually come to the conclusion that I have no idea. Let alone having a magic bullet, I sometimes feel that I don't even have a gun. So I do what parents have done since time immemorial -- nag the kid, asking if you've done this paper, studied for that test, is that the best that you can do. It's what my parents did, somewhat, and I think that for the vast majority of kids, it's what their parents do, too. Undoubtedly there are professionals who have theories about the best way, the best ideas, and all of that, but those theories, if they do exist, never seem to percolate out to the general public. This is how it worked in the laboratory, but out in the real world? Your mileage may vary.

This evening, I got a different perspective on the question. It didn't give me any answers, but it gave me something to think about.

It was the occasion of the annual end of year banquet for the color guards at my daughter's high school. As is traditional, there was much giving of gifts, making of teary speeches (on the part of the girls, for the most part, and parents, on occasion). Again and again, I heard girls say you guys are my family...when I hated it, when I wanted to quit, when I was sure that I just couldn't do it, couldn't master that spin, couldn't practice for another minute let alone another hour, when I thought nobody liked me, you helped me deal with it. You listened to me and cried with me. I couldn't have done it without you, and I'm glad that I've been in color guard. I love you guys!

How, I wondered, and why, do they continue with something that causes them so much pain and grief? What motivates them, keeps them going?

Which leads me to my new thought. Perhaps motivation to press on, to just try, starts with, consists entirely of, encouragement, unconditional encouragement, from someone you trust. As I write that, I think well, surely there must be more than that, that's just the I'm OK- You're OK philosophy. Surely there must be direction, guidance, goals? And perhaps there is. But the core of it, the foundation, the part that stands alone -- perhaps that's simply encouragement from someone you trust. Someone who will listen to you. Someone who cares. Perhaps that's what gives the willingness to try. Which to me is the core of motivation. Could that be it?

Maybe? Maybe.

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Update: I posited this to my daughter. She didn't think much of it. She said that the memory of past successes carries you through the pain of getting better, makes you willing to endure it. And the sensation of accomplishment wipes out the memory of the pain. Hmm.... Sounds kind of like pressure makes diamonds. What do you do if you don't have those successes? Rationally, I think, accept smaller ones, but where do you find them? What if the kid doesn't seem to have any?

Guess the question's not answered yet.