I was reading this article in Slate about whether girls should have to wear modest clothing- and even as I write that, I flinch, thinking you mean, like burkhas? The article says that the teacher who tells girls that their hemlines are too high is concerned for the effect that it has on boys, while the author says, in effect, let the boys worry about themselves, girls should be able to do as they want. I tend to agree with that until I get to the point of thinking that's a reasonable approach, but these are teenagers, who tend to be driven by hormones, not reasonableness.
I remembered the comic -- I think it was Chris Rock, but I'm not
sure -- who said that if he was to wear a policeman's uniform, you
might reasonably assume he was a policeman, and scoff when he said no,
no, I'm just wearing the uniform. When you dress like a hooker, it's
reasonable to assume you are a hooker.Wearing a miniskirt isn't
the same as dressing as a hooker, but it does send a message.
Communication includes understanding the effect of the message on the
likely receiver. Wear a miniskirt? You're saying one thing. Wear a
longer skirt? You're saying something else.
4 comments:
This is the advice I used to give to my female troopies. Slightly modified, but not much.
I tell them that it all depends upon the message you WANT to send. The message you want to send to a potential employer is different than the one you want to send to a potential lover.
In High School, there are no potential employers, only potential lovers and creepy old guys (teachers, dads, friends dads, the ones who give orders). You dress for the cute guys, and try to ignore the creepy old guys because they are not as important.
When high school is over, the cute guys are mostly disappearing down church aisles, the military, and in general, on their way to becoming creepy old guys as they stop partying, load on the freshman fifteen, and move into their 2nd and 3rd year of University.
The biological clock starts ticking REALLY loud because it knows the alarm will go off when you hit 25, and the pool of potential hotties is drying up faster than a mud puddle in the Kalahari. Things happen about that time....for one thing, you may have already got your "hottie" and have a bambino or two. For another thing, he will turn out to have caviar tastes and a sardine job, and that means you will have to get out and work. (Guys call this the 7 year itch, but it is even more appropriate for gals)
So, about 25, you learn that the creepy old guys are the ones who you have to impress to get a job, and contrary to popular belief, they are more interested in competent employees than short skirted bimbos. In other words, the message has to change. Radically. Suddenly. And possibly irrevocably (though that is not a guarantee!)
Mom's know this and want to rush the course of events. Dads never get it and are always famously playing catch up.
You are braver than I. One time I had to tell a woman who worked for me that her blouse, while delightful to see, was showing too much of her. That conversation did not go well.
I never had that problem. If my employee looked inappropriate, she got asked what message she was attempting to send. It was usually exactly the message we were receiving. When it gets stated by HER, it get changed the next day.
I recommend Debra Tannen's book "talking nine to five". Women are always "marked" in the workplace. Their competency is judged occassionally on their markers. This can throw you off balance in dealing with them...so be wary of markers. Don't judge THAT book by its cover.
Men rarely use markers to establish their place...go to a boardroom, you will see 8 suits, pretty much alike. Sometimes men use a marker...the scruffy look might indicate "I am really important and don't have to look my best"...which works for the chairman but nobody else. And would you want to ask a loan from a bearded banker? A boardroom full of women looks WAY different. Good luck stepping into THAT lion's den Daniel!
As a teacher, I have to be very cautious to not react to the "marker". If I do, I become the "creepy old guy". I react to the content, and presume the "markers" are meant for other people. This garners me respect. Mostly.
Of course, I never had the Harper Valley PTA moment either!
Many years ago I read a novel - MIGHT be the basis of How to Succeed, not sure - wherein a young guy, invited to a meeting with the suits, pulls out a pencil and writes. He notes that all of the others have sleek Cross pens and pencils; his is a grubby, much chewed on Number 2. He feels it scares them, gives them the image that OMG this guy is serious. At the time, I thought such things were possible. Now, not too much.
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