Thoughtful

Notes

We've been talking a lot, in fits and starts, with our daughter lately, so it wasn't a surprise to get an email from her. But the contents -- that was something else.

It was titled Thanks.

Hey so right now im listening to my roommate argue with her mom about how when her mom has something wrong with her account she takes the money out of my roommate's account (she's 17 until november) and i just wanted to say thank you for never doing anything like that and always being there to pay for things (as bad as that sounds) since i never had a job and it means a lot that you suppported me this much.

Handling the Truth

The title refers to this climactic scene from A Few Good Men.

Colonel Jessup is probably right.  Most of us don't really want to know what it takes to provide the ultimate line of defense.  We don't really want to know how mentally and physically hard someone has to be to stand a post in a lonely, hostile environment.  We don't really want to know what it takes to identify terrorists -- or how often we fail in that task, either letting an actual terrorist go past or falsely imprisoning someone who isn't one.  We're a little uncomfortable at the idea that someone spent a period in a jail compound when they ought not to have been there, but - well - that's just the way it goes. Because we would rather be wrong, and imprison the wrong person, than be wrong, and let the real terrorist go.  Similarly, when we send people to places like Afghanistan, we don't want to know how harsh it really is, how blasted our people become, how often we're seen as the invading enemy.  Sending troops is seen as the right thing to do because - well - that's sometimes all we can do.  It worked in Germany during the 40s, right?

I accept that.  I think that way.  I know it's not entirely right, but I don't know of a better way.  Everything else feels like we're just giving up.

But when I see people say that we need to toughen up cadets - who are in college, not boot camp - because they might eventually end up in Afghanistan, and we need tough people there - well, then I start to wonder about the mind set of the people running the military program in the college.

Say Ah

Daughter tells us that she's sick; others on her dorm floor, too.  She's dizzy, has a 'conceptual fog'.  And she's thinking that she wants to cut her hair, but if she doesn't like it, she can't regrow it until summer.... unless she quits the Corps.  Which she can do as of October 6.  It's a lousy reason, of course,  especially since she's kind of somewhat to a certain extent getting into it, bonding with some of the other cadets...

Until I read in the parents Facebook account about a kid who had to march for 2 3-hour chunks for a) talking in her own room with the door open, and b) not having her shoes lined up neatly. (No, not mine; this was another kid.)  And see a response about how this is good, it teaches them discipline, teaches them how to follow orders.

And then I think Quit the Corps?  Here, let me help you pack.....

Because that kind of thinking is just plain stupid.  Demerits, sure.  March for three damn hours for one freaking demerit? Give me a break. We're not trying to train Seals here. 

You Can Read Music

....bet you scrolled back up to the top, just like me.....

TwitterRage

I just read about the girl who posted on Twitter that Obama should be assassinated. The article says that she was flamed unmercifully, and will always carry the tag as the girl who asked for her country's president to be killed.  The first pleases me; I doubt the second will actually occur.  At least, always.

The article, in The Economist, went on to say that several people urged treating such wild-eyed idiots with grace and compassion.  It said that we should not forget such stupidity, but we should forgive it.

I find it hard to agree.  This kid is echoing the snarls of the rabid right.  I would like to believe that, as in the children's stories, treatment with grace and compassion will lead them to understand that they are wrong, both in their holdings and what they urge.  But I doubt strongly that such will occur.  The ferocious right has one goal, and that is the removal of Obama from office.  No matter what he has done well, it hasn't been done to their satisfaction, and no matter where he has failed, the failure is an indictment.  They want him out, and nothing will satisfy them but that.  They have no limits to their vitriol.

The article says that they can be shamed into realization that they've gone too far, but I don't see that, at all.  I think these people have clearly lost their minds. Grace and compassion?  I'd like to see them shipped to a gulag. Which, of course, makes me just as rigid in my thinking as they are.

Part of me says we are in this together, we should try to understand, they might be at least partially right. But most says I don't WANT to be in it with people who think like that, the things they are right about are vanishingly small, I don't see THEM trying to understand ME, plus, they're freaking crazy people!

We need adult supervision, but the adults are either dead, marginalized, seen as irrelevant, or on the sidelines, egging us on. 

Satorial

I need this shirt.

Copper

Saw a BBC show called Copper last night, about a policeman in 19th century New York.  It's dark, but not all all bad.

Revelations

This evening, I had a surprising and somewhat unpleasant experience.

Basicallly, I suggested on a Facebook page for parents of Corps of Cadets parents that perhaps some ways in which the corps operates could be improved - for example, a more supportive, less distant approach from the upperclassmen would benefit both them and the freshmen.  Three of the others jumped all over me, saying that of course everything was wonderful, this is how its always been so of course it's perfect, I just didn't understand,  and anyway if I didn't like it maybe I should just go tell the commandant.  So much for a friendly and open environment.

I quit the group.

Hours later, the experience still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

Calls

We were surprised this evening to receive a Skype video call from our daughter.  I've been in the habit of leaving Skype up, since one or two of the French people with whom I speak will call spontaneously, but we didn't expect this.  We had a pleasant if wandering conversation, but it left me feeling a bit unsettled, because she is still thinking that she's going to want to leave at the end of the current phase of their training.  She typed a message to me, so that her room mate would not hear her say it, to the effect that she wants to discuss it when we set her again.  We would be surprised if she has changed her mind, though it is possible: she mentioned that she does not respect people who commit to the year, and then leave before the year is up. Yet she does not enjoy it, and does not see the point to some of their rituals.  She's been through difficult environments, had people yelling at her, but it was always in support of a goal that she could see, and even when she did not enjoy the experience -- which was frequently -- she could see that their goal was her improvement.  Here, she cannot see that, and so she wonders why stay? 

I don't want her to stay, and I don't want her to go.  It's her life, and I'm not just saying that.  As I put it to her, she would not delight us by staying, or displease us by leaving.  This is her decision.  What is important is the education that she is there to receive. In the Corps or not, she would get that.  She'd lose the structure that she wants from the Corps, but at the moment she questions the validity of that - for example, the Corps says they stress study, requiring four hours of it a night -- but sometimes, when the cadet just wants to sleep, because they've been nodding off in class, they cannot -- Corps rules for new cadets are that they stay up until 11PM, no exceptions. We like the idea of structure, but we like the idea of sleep, too -- especially for a kid who has always been reluctant to acknowledge the need for enough of it.   Leaving the Corps would mean losing the possibility of a commission at the end of it -- and that's all it is; they do not guarantee the commission.  That, in turn, would mean that she would have uncertainty at the end of college, like everyone usually does; she doesn't like uncertainly, but - well, that's four years from now.  A lot could happen.

And yet, the thought of her leaving does bother me, and I'm not sure why.  I think it's because I'm concerned that she will feel like a quitter, with all of the negative baggage that that entails.  And yet, if she chooses to leave, I will support her, because I think it will be the right thing to do.  How can doing the right thing make one feel like a quitter?

Saturday

In kind of a strange mood today.

For one, today is the first day of my wife's retirement.  She's being fairly low-key about it, and indeed intends to find another job.  And, of course, she's normally here on Saturday.  But somehow, today feels - different.

For another, we never did hear from the guys who were supposed to come out and estimate costs for mowing our yard.

And, I've been exchanging notes with a conversation partner who's having some problems in her life.  My daughter said that this happens so often to me, I must be planning to set up shop as a life counselor to French people.  Not quite.  But yeah, it does kind of feel that way. I like this person, but man, she has problems.

Plus, this election scares me.  I think the GOP is going to buy it. 

But mostly, it's this college thing. College itself going well. She likes most of her classes. But the Corps of Cadets thing - uh, not so much.  It's hard to get a clear picture of what's happening down there. My daughter says she is over wanting to be in the corps - their style of operation doesn't appeal to her. Looking at the Facebook page for the parents of cadets, there's a lively discussion about whether the Corps is doing things well.  Most of the comments are from people who are gung-ho, love the corps, pressure makes diamonds, all of that. (Okay, no one actually said that.  But that's the feeling.) It gets on my nerves, a little.

I wonder whether, on October 5 (the first day she can leave the Corps without paying a heavy financial penalty) she'll be moving.  If she does, that will blow her plan of trying for the military (well, except for OTS, but that's a long shot).  If she quits, will she feel like a loser?  If she stays, will she feel trapped?  We did think that this would be a chance for her to get used to how the military thinks, but it didn't occur to any of us that she might hate it.

Stressful period for us, more so for her.  

Anyone You Know?

Surrender

I gave up.

After a summer of trying to keep up with the grass, I gave up.  Ten minutes ago, I picked a mowing company out of the phone book and said come cut this stuff. Because this is ridiculous.  I last mowed one section of grass three days ago - and today it's thick enough to cause my electric mower to stall out repeatedly -- sometimes, a foot at a time.

Next year, I don't know.  Maybe we'll take our chances again.  Maybe we'll buy a self-propelled gas mower.  Maybe even make the leap to a riding mower.

But for this year, the war is over, and I lost.

J&M

This is from a comic strip called Jesus and Mo. I really like it. I suspect that hardcore Believers won't, but those with a sense of humor -- I think they would.

Private Lee?

Cette Semaine

Going to be a tough week.

Daughter's grumpy over her proto-military experience (though, hey, she may have found a way to compensate).

Wife's emotional from impending retirement (but this evening I gave her the first three seasons of a beloved show to ease her transition).

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to find out why one of my implants is occasionally painful.

And tomorrow I talk with a French conversation partner whom, I just learned, might be - well, I won't use the graphic high school term that comes to mind.  Let's just say she's not the quiet, innocent person I thought she was.

Back Again

We went down to see our daughter this weekend.  It was ... interesting.

At first, she told her that she was thinking about quitting the Corps.  Last week was much harder than she had thought it would be, and she did not like the mind games that they played on her.  Like, giving them, literally, one minute thirty seconds to use the bathroom.  (It wasn't until one girl complained, saying 'We aren't boys, we can't just whip it out', that they got a whole two minutes thirty seconds. ) Or, bringing in the marching band to play for them while they were having lunch.... but then insisting that they had to stand and cheer, cheering time being subtracted from their eating time.

Then, after sleeping without interruption for about ten hours at the hotel, and having a decent breakfast, she was relatively cheerful, talking about whether she should pick a college focus that was what she wanted, or what she thought the military might want.  (She decided the former. Good for her.)

She still has to do stupid things, like saying Good morning to each upperclassman she meets, naming them, and doing so in alphabetical order of their names.  She can only leave her room going to the right, so that if the room she wants are to the left, she has to go all the way to the end of the hall, turn, go all the way to the other end of the hall, turn, then into the room - and if she goes past, she has to do the whole circuit again. Things like that. Not just new cadets, either. One senior, standing in a line on the edge of a parade field, watching the new cadets march by, fainted; my daughter said she would unquestionably get into trouble.  Seems harsh, I said.  You sure? She nodded.  They told us, you faint, its because you didn't drink enough water. Your fault.What if it was because you were sick, I asked.  She shrugged.  They'll assume it was your fault unless you can prove it wasn't.  They made my roommate march when her foot was so swollen she couldn't get it into her shoe. Finally she got to see a doctor, who said no marching or running for a week.

But today is the first day of classes, and while she is in the academic building area of the campus she doesn't have to play those games, or even wear a uniform, per se (just khaki pants and a polo shirt with the Corps logo on it) so perhaps life will get a little better for her.  If you can call encountering college-level classes for the first time better.
-------------
Update: She just called with a question.  She says her first day was okay but awkward -- no one talked at all in her classes, and she's usually the only cadet in them.  They'd been told that civilian students usually are not initially sure how to react to then.  And thats with the casual uniform.  When she called, they'd just been told to change into cammo. Why?  She had no idea.  Because. 

Anyone who's been in the military has gone through that kind of nonsense, and sometimes, it really does have a good reason.  But it hurts to see your intelligent, skeptical-of-authority daughter going through it.  Which is why we told her: give it a fair shot.  Then, if you want to get out of the Corps, go for it. But give them a chance, first. 

Sometimes....

... reading is better.

Reaching

Doctored

Every so often I find myself thinking about how the technology in Doctor Who must work....and I have to shake myself and remember but its just a story!!!

(found here)

New Cadet

My daughter (and 420 others) started New Cadet Week yesterday.  For the next seven days, they'll undergo a stressful environment -- though, according to the instructors, more mentally stressful than physical -- learning how to be a cadet at Virginia Tech.  The staff warned us that there are always about ten kids who will call home, saying that this isn't for them. The call will come through the commandant's office -- for the next week, the kids don't have any sort of electronic devices.  They said how we handle it will be our call, but the track record is, if you say to the kid 'It's your life, your decision' at a time when they're tired, discouraged, and depressed -- they'll probably bail out. I doubt we'll get the call, but you never know.

Her roommate is tall - about six one - and smart -- she's her high school valedictorian, going for a degree in Mechanical Engineering.  Seems like a nice kid.  Her mother told me that the girl wanted to come, but was very nervous.  Sounds about right.

Seeing all those kids - more than kids, less than adults - and all their energy and enthusiasm -- it wore me right the heck out.  And I think Was I actually that energetic?  Probably.  Hard to believe, though.  I believe she'll be fine. When I see what the kids look like after four years -- sharp, focused, almost glittering -- I know I could never have done that.  I'm proud of her.  And she knows it.

Nick?

I will never be this person.  I think that's a good thing.

(Original image found on this site.) 

Yeah....Sounds Right

Found here.

New Mailbox?

Found here.  Did you hum the theme, too?  I did.

Fit THIS

Reading

I've returned to reading Six Frigates.  It's a thick enough book that at times it intimidates me -- and how I hated when I realized years ago that thick books were beginning to have that effect on me .  I’m not sure why, whether I’m not as smart as I used to be (probably true) or not as intellectually curious (not sure I ever was that curious), but whatever the reason, I don’t tend to read books now that are more than about two hundred pages.  I suppose my mind has been softened by age and the Internet.
 
But I like Six Frigates because it talks about politics back in an age when, I thought, everyone was of the same attitude – all strong, forthright, determined, all right thinkers.  It astonishes me to read that that wasn’t the case at all – that some, for example, fervently held the opinion that the United States ought to have a military because otherwise it would be attacked, and others were equally vociferous with the opinion that it was the existence of the military that provokes attack; to read about politicians who, unable to sway opinion, took to inserting clauses into bills in Congress which had nothing to do with the bill, but had the effect of implementing what the politician could not get passed on their own; to read about people arguing points that seem obvious to us now, but at the time, were very much – literally – up for debate. And not gentlemanly will the senator yield ? debate, either.  Holy hell, I think.  Things were as screwed up then as they are now.
 
There are times when I despair for the future of this country, I really do.  I know that I’m not a strong thinker; I’m not the brightest guy around, and I tend to feel that everyone has the right to their opinion, when, probably, they really don’t. There's a lot of stupid people around, and sometimes I'm one of them.  I am amazed that people can be in favor of politicians who display disdain for them, and I’m sure that others are amazed that I can be in favor of a politician who does things that are clearly wrong, or politically motivated.  I console myself that of course, you can’t vote against someone just because of their attitude to one topic, and then I see the success of the NRA because that’s exactly what their members do.  I find myself thinking well, maybe its not such a bad thing that people want to have their own guns, because most guns that are used for malicious purpose were acquired illegally – and then I think but if I’m agreeing with them, but they never agree with me that steps need to be taken to control gun violence, doesn’t that mean the NRA won?  (Yes, I think it does.)  So maybe it is a good thing to be a one or two or three issue person, and just vote for the people who are your way on those issues, even if you suspect that they’re lying, even if you know that there are good reasons not to support what you want.  Let the other side worry about equality; stick up for your side.
 
I know, we’ll survive, but there are times when I wonder if its worth it.

PRA

Again.

Call Me, Batman

Olympic Spirit

Dressage

I have to admit that I didn't read the whole thing, but What's So Bad About A Boy Who Wants to Wear A Dress is intriguing.  I liked their observation that no one thinks it odd for a girl to wear jeans and toss a football, but the reverse - well, that's something else again.

Coffee and...

I really wanted to like this article.

Paris, cool.  Pastries, great.  Good coffee, nice.  But the general tenor of the article, which I'd summarize as OMG MOLTEN ORGASMS ON TAP!!!  - uh, no.

Though that Dr. Frankenstein brewing dealie is pretty cool. 

Late

About ninety minutes ago, I went to bed.  I was tired, loggy.  I'd been really tired in the late afternoon, for no discernible reason.  Well, perhaps a little bit of one - I'd thought, yesterday and today, that I would skip taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon, just to see if that would help me sleep a little better.  Just the opposite happened.  Not only didn't I sleep better, but the quality was actually worse.  This afternoon, I started to doze around 4, much to my surprise.  We had to go out around 8, but when we got home, I thought this is stupid, but I'm tired....I'm just going to go to sleep.  Didn't help that we had a bigger dinner than normal -- I'd baked some torpedo rolls -- I'm sure there's some slick French name for them - and we had meatball subs for dinner. Which were actually quite good, but very, very filling.  So I went to bed -- and now, just past 11, I'm awake again. Go figure.

I've been watching the Olympics periodically.  I am awed by those people.  Their energy, their enthusiasm -- I'm sure that I never had that much, and certainly not now.  They're a joy to watch, from the magnificent games like soccer and water polo to the ones that leave me scratching my head, like table tennis and handball.  Who knew handball wasn't played against a wall? Yes, when I heard of the sex activities that happen routinely at the Olympic village, I was a little ticked off -- all those healthy young people, all that testosterone -- but then I realized that I was just envious of them, envious that I'd been even close -- at least, not knowingly; I was a teen, after all, even if one who wasn't very adventurous, and went to a Catholic high school, to boot  --  for anything like that kind of  uninhibited sex, never would.  (Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to hire a professional, someone who charges phenomenal amount of money, just for a day, just to see what it's like,  as much for the curiousity - how can ANYONE be worth that much? - as the experience - holy hell, I'm EXHAUSTED.  An idea which comes, I'm sure, from Scent of a Woman,  and is very, very unlikely to ever actually happen,both because there's no way I'd actually ever spend that much money for an ephemeral event, no matter how mind blinding and awesome and exhausting - and it takes a lot less, these days, to exhaust me - and because even if I had the money right here and it would disappear if I didn't spend it, the chances that it would damage and possibly destroy my marriage are greater than zero -- which is to say, too high for me. ) So sure, go ahead. Get sweaty in a fun way.  The magnificent spectacle you've provided at the Games is worth it.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but we finally heard from the French family who was supposed to come here this summer, and did not.  We hadn't heard word one from them since January, and only after I wrote them a physical letter at the end of July, expressing our dismay, and saying that we'd be in France next year, and putting out a tentative can we see you? Or do you for some obscure reason hate us and don't want to see us again? feeler, did we learn that they did try to get in touch with us - granted, two months later than we would have tried, but still, they did, and they thought they actually had gotten an email off, but it turns out they hadn't.  And to say that they couldn't come because - well, the reason doesn't really matter, but we believed them, it was something that they'd mentioned as a possibility last summer, but the truth is, we'd have accepted almost any reason; it was the not knowing that was driving us crazy.  They assured us that they do still want to see us again, and though they didn't specifically say sure, stop by, let alone while you're in our area, come and live with us , the tone of the note was friendly, and so I was happy again.

Though it does mean, I guess, that I have to start taking French seriously again.  I am plateaued - is that a word? - feeling like I make mistakes all over the place, from syntax to spelling to pronunciation to vocabulary, and while I know that the way to address some of that is to write, write, write, and the rest is speak, speak,speak, still I get nervous and apprehensive, feeling that I'm just not good enough. It didn't help my self confidence to talk to one woman - one time; I don't think we'll be talking again -- who is very serious about learning English, and who told me - well, I repeated it back to her that she'd said my French was very bad; she objected, and said I didn't say that, which could have meant but I meant it, and it could have meant its just got a lot of problems.Any way you look at it, it needs work, from someone who will listen to me and correct me gently.  Which means, starting up the French language lessons again.  My teacher could be stricter, she could push me more (I wish, sometimes, that she would), but I've come a long ways with her, and even though I really don't believe her when she says I'm an incredibly good student (she really does say that, to which I reply then you must have some real slackers), it's nice to be praised, and to feel like maybe I'm making progress.  Its just so hard to establish checkpoints - two months ago I could not do xxx, and now I can.  But I try.  After all, I might need it in France next year.

I read the other day that women react to a guy in a nice suit the way that guys react to a woman in sexy lingerie.  Which I am sure has the subtext of assuming you're buff, of course.  But still: I don't wear suits, so I guess I'm screwed.  Or, you know, not. 

Less than a week until my daughter returns home from her summer-long color guard trip; less than two weeks until she leaves for college.  We were looking into some stuff today - they hand out the keys to the rooms during Freshmen Orientation, she didn't go, how does she get it -- and I had this weird thought of She's really doing it, she's really going to college. Which I suppose is traditional, parents are always surprised when this happens. Still: we were.  I am. 

I had a birthday.  I am now not only older than I have ever been (weak joke, spurred by Mitch Hedburg's great line about people who say this is a picture of me when I was younger), but also I'm older than I ever thought I'd be.  Which is strange because I expect to live to about 85, and that's about 22 years away.  Still, its hard to think of myself as this old.  I mean, I'm still trying to figure some things out, and I still have this rebellion-against-authority streak that bubbles up every so often, without warning.  How the heck did I get to be 63?  I know, I know: one day at a time, just like everybody else.

So maybe I should get some sleep.  My age, you know, you need it.

CONGRATULATIONS, NASA!!!

Day One

Little League

Sometimes, you find a comic strip that is so good, you have to find the first one, so that you can read all of them. And then hunger for more.

Found here.

Topless...Literally

I heard the other day that a woman who's had a double mastectomy wants the right to go topless at the beach. Apparently, due to the nature of the surgery, a normal bathing suit is painful for her to wear.

It makes sense.  Then again, letting them all go topless makes sense, too.

I expect it to happen any millenia now.

Eating

I am not fond of seafood, but I am reluctantly starting because it's good for me

This recipe amazed me.  If this is what seafood can taste like, I've been missing out. 

Peppery Brown Sugar Salmon

Canadian Farm Raised Salmon, got it at Wegmans

1-1/2 pounds salmon fillets (bones removed).........1 tablespoon butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon onion powder..................1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper seasoning
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper.........3 tablespoons brown sugar, packed

INSTRUCTIONS

Heat oven to 425 degrees F.

Pat the salmon fillets dry.
Line a baking sheet with foil
Grease the foil.
Put the filets on the foil
Brush with melted butter.
Combine the seasonings in a small bowl and mix.
Sprinkle the seasonings over the salmon, and press down gently.

Bake for 20-25 minutes.

Actually, Me Too

Found here....

here are a few fundamental things i don’t understand

• why gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married
• why rich people shouldn’t pay higher taxes
• why people are so unwilling to help others
• why people are making laws about my vagina
• why university costs so much
• why it’s wrong for everyone to have healthcare

ISW

Not too surprising -- from the I Side With site. Though I'd have expected a higher congruence.

And who is Jill Stein? 

Franch

This morning, I was advised, by a person who told me, essentially, that my French sucked, to just listen to French language programs.  Not to understand them, just to hear the rhythm of the words.  For two to three hours at a time.  Background sounds.

Ooooch.
=============
About two hours of listening later....huh.  The words are still mostly incomprehensible, but they're starting to sound familiar.  Maybe she's onto something, after all.
============
The next day: listening, playing it loud enough to hear the words but not loud enough to hear them clearly, words that I know are starting to pop up, every so often.  This isn't a way to learn the meaning of words, but the words themselves, yeah, maybe.

Biker

Just went for my first bike ride in a year and a half.  Outside of being nervous when I got on -- its pretty hard for me -- and almost falling off when I stopped --it wasn't bad.

Those gentle hills seem to have gotten steeper, though.

Changes

Ever had one of those things where you're making major changes, and you know that its a good idea, but still, in your gut you're thinking Oh man, I wish we weren't doing this, what if it doesn't work right?  Yeah, one of those.  We're doing that now.

When my wife decided to accept the early retirement from her company, it came along with an offer of financial plans from the massive company that administers the 401k and god knows what else.  We were pretty sure that things would look good, because we have enough money that - if my spreadsheet is right - we won't have to work again so long as we keep to the spending pattern we have now.  Since both of us are likely to do that, and since we have forecasted major expenses for the next fifteen years, and have insurance in place for the unexpected, we think yeah, we're probably ok.

So when we spoke to the financial planner, we were pleased to have him affirm that yeah, we looked to be in pretty good shape, and here was what he thought we should do -- which was, basically, take our 401ks, roll them into IRAs administered by the company, and start taking Social Security right now until I was eligible for Medicare. It sounded fairly impersonal to us, though, as we reflected, our life savings seem like a lot to us, but to a billion-dollar company, its not such a big deal.  Still, we wondered.  So we went to the guy who had drawn up our estate plans two years ago and essentially said What do you think -- does this sound good to you?  I'm not entirely sure that he started shaking his head before we finished the question.  His bottom line was look, this is a major company, they do this all the time.  They're not going to spend a lot of time on you. He strongly recommended that we talk to a local financial planner - someone we'd see face to face, someone we could reach easily.  We liked the sound of that, but, to be honest, we did wonder if perhaps he was just pimping for people he knew and dealt with.  Still, we asked for recommendations, and he gave us three.  We went to see the first one two weeks ago.  It's a relatively small bank - it might just be located in this state - with about twenty branches.  They -- one of the bank vice presidents and a local branch guy -- spent about 90 minutes with us, talking about our goals, our spending patterns, what we wanted to be able to do.  And then, yesterday, they gave us the high level plan for income and spending for the next twenty years, as well as the assumptions and goals that underlaid the plan. They'd looked at it all -- all of the options we have for pension pay outs, when each of us could take Social Security, the major expenses that we anticipate, the plans we have for the future.  They ran analyses on all of this, and came up with a plan that meets our goals, gives us enough, but not too much, cash in a ready bank account, and invests the rest for the long haul.


I'm not sure which we liked more -- the personal attention or that they gave us about ten times the amount of detail that the guy from the big company did.  So we told them that it sounded good, and what now.  The what now is: we transfer our 401ks to them, our Roth and traditional IRAs, our small investments.  They track and manage it all according to the standards they set to meet our goals and our way of approaching things (financially, we're not too comfortable with risk).  Any time we have a question, need extra cash over and above recurring withdrawals, we call them, they handle it and the money is there within about two days. Once a year, more often if we want, we meet with one of the bank officers to go over how things are going, what we like, what we don't like.

It sounds really good to me.  It also sounds scary.

Bearly Up

Smooth

The punchline didn't actually make sense to me, but I thought it was funny anyway.

Clothing Drive

Encouragement

Tiny Buddha

Tiny Buddha on Courage: http://tinybuddha.com/wisdom-category/courage/

Took Me A Minute...

Of course, it's from XKCD.

Reading

One of the downsides about reading a lot about France is that you keep coming across books that say they're about France and French culture, when what they're really about is someone marrying someone from France, and in the process finding themselves.  They then spend the rest of the book drooling over the country, the wine, the cheese, and all the rest.

It's a very nice country with some very nice people, but, good god.

Um...

Jumper

Geekstuff

Now this is intruiging....  

Speaking French

I can get by fairly well in French.  There are buckets of things that I don't know, buckets of actual words, let alone, colloquialisms -- when do you say mois dernier and when do you say dernier mois, for example.  My pronunciation sucks. 

What brings this to mind is a conversation I had today, about 70% in English, with a woman who's a law intern in Paris.  She's pretty interesting just for that -- I consider that kind of thing exotic -- but it turns out that she is very thoughtful about some very deep concepts, like why are we here, and what is it that we're supposed to do with our lives.  The sort of thing that, when you're her age, seems perfectly reasonable, and when you get to my age, you think should we have pizza tonight?  So I like talking with her, and I want to do more of it.

Only, I want to do it verbally (she's very reluctant to do more than text) and in French -- at least, my half of the conversations.  And when I think that, I lock up, because, hell, I'm doing good to be able to say I want to go to the market and buy some milk -- discussing the great themes of life scares the living daylights out of me.

But I want to try, anyway.  Because thats the whole idea of Conversation Exchange -- to speak in each other's language, no matter how badly you suck at it.  Even if your sentences end up sounding like You like go it this thing, thing you said yesterday? It's got to start somewhere.

The Electrical Brain

hmmm.....

Trust

A friend mentioned having a problem with trust issues.  It put me in mind of when my wife and I were talking about marriage, having finally agreed that we were going to do it.  At the time, there were self-help articles that said that it should be clear who was the head of the household, so that if there was an irreconcilable division, and a decision had to be made, one would be made.  Although I kind of liked the idea of seeing myself in that role, I didn't very much like the idea that it implied things would always be my way, and that it ultimately didn't matter what my fiancee thought. I told her that to me it came down to trusting me, but if our positions were reversed, I could see how it might be really tough to do, because you're essentially giving up your self and hoping that you don't regret it later.  But if you don't, it might mean that you end up not having a relationship that you really want to have.

Silky

The House of Silk is an amazingly good Sherlock Holmes novel. Equal to anything Doyle wrote, I believe.

Petit Dej

From-scratch cinnamon-streusel-covered buttermilk pancakes.  Not too shabby.

Barrier

I didn't sleep well last night, which is undoubtedlly why this morning I awoke thinking barrier personality. I'm not even sure that's a word, but I know where the thought comes from -- last night, we watched the program Perception.

 It's a knockoff of the House MD series -- in this version, the quirky main character is a neurochemist, or possibly neurobiologist, whose charming oddity is that he hallucinates that people are there when they're not.  These people usually have important clues to the resolution of a crime, things that he saw but didn't realize were significant.  He uses these clues to tag along with the perky FBI agent as she clears it all up, to the amazement of her drudge procedure-driven colleagues.  It's a wierd show, and I wouldn't put money on it hanging around, but then again, Psych is still on, so who knows.

I thought it sucked, though the scene where the cute girl took off her blouse was kind of nice.

Drive Recklessly

Physical

Just had a physical.  Much to my surprise, I'm apparently healthy. In fact, according to the doctor who looked at the results of my last colonoscopy -- and how I wish it was the last; man, those things suck -- my innards are completely clean.  She said that's pretty rare.  Which makes me a perfect ......

Nah, better not finish that.

Liking

This is how you know that you like your daughter:

When she calls at 11:15 PM from someplace in Indiana while she's waiting for the trip bus to load....and you're both tired... but both of you still get up to talk with her.

Yeah.

Hawking and Clancy and Austen, Oh My

Sitar-iffic

All Rise

Farmin'

Observation

I never doubt why I married my wife, but there are times when I am surprised and delighted by something she says or does -- particularly when it results in me coming out of an intense funk.

Who are you?

Sometimes, people aren't who we think they are.  Sometimes, they really aren't.

As in, for example, the case of Alan Z. Feuer.

Creativity

Oh, Okay

Found at The Brain Beyond.

Dragon

Last night, I went out to Redbox to pick up two comedies, but, to my surprise, one of them that the website assured me was there, wasn't.  So I picked up The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  I asked my wife which she'd like to watch first, and she said Dragon -- if it's no good, we can switch to the other.

We've yet to see the comedy.  From the initial moments, Dragon captivated us.  It's an intense, powerful film.  Some of what they showed startled us and made us glad our daughter wasn't watching with us, but from start to finish, we were captivated.  When it was done, we thought Wow.

It's not for everyone, but it's excellent. 

July

July, we're not so sure about.

The reason?  Since January, we have been eagerly anticipating the arrival of the French family with whom we'd stayed, last year.  Back in January, they said they'd be coming in July, and we thought Great! We've  thought about places to take them, we've  cleaned and rearranged furniture, we've looked at recipes for foods that they might like -- American foods, yes, but not the run-of-the-mill stuff that we eat all the time. We wrote to them, six or seven or ten times, to say that we were thinking of them, we were hoping they can stay a long time. Asking when they'd come, so that we could make some reservations for some popular attractions.  We thought of New York, the Statue of Liberty, Washington, perhaps Williamsburg.  What would you like?

We did not receive a single response.  Not one.

To say that this flummoxed us is to put it mildly.

Perhaps we were entirely wrong about them. Or perhaps we were right, but things happened to change their minds about us, or the whole idea of coming.  Or maybe they just don't believe in the concept of answering letters. Whatever.  All we know right now is, if they come, we'll be pleased,  delighted even, but still: a little disgruntled.  Why didn't you answer? we'll be thinking.  And if they don't?  Even more so.

I've mentioned this to some of the French people I've spoken with, trying to find out if, perhaps, this is considered normal for French people.  And to a man, they've been surprised.  No response? Nothing at all?  They shake their heads. One of them said This is why I don't trust people. 

I still trust them, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just being a sap, again.

And like poking at a tooth that aches, I can't stop thinking about it. 

I'd Like To Believe

Part of why Canada is Cool

Note

I'm not allowed to indicate who this post is about, but you know who you are.  And I'm glad I could help.

Status

9AM.  It's going to be hot today, but I don't care, because I just finished the mowing.  Goodness.

Now to bake some goodies to send to my daughter.

Planning

Today we talked with the guy who set up our trusts.  Although he did not say we should move our money from the big financial company that has it, he strongly suggested we at least talk with some local financial planners that he knows and respects.  Coming from someone we trust, that means a lot.

Evening

Tonight I had a total of three calls on Skype, two of them overlapping a third.  The third was particularly interesting as it was a person I know who wanted to practice some English immediately in preparation for an English proficiency test tomorow.  I think I was able to help.  I hope so.

Not so successful was the second call, which I terminated to take the third one.  I was talking with a young woman whose father, an architect/construction manager is having difficulties with his company -- there have apparently been a lot of slowdowns, and he's concerned about the future of his company.  I tried to console her a bit, but there's really not a lot I could offer.  I felt a little badly about ending the call early, but that other one seemed urgent to me.

And I spoke briefly with a man in south eastern France -- at least, I think that's where he is.  Nothing substantial, though.  We're scheduled to talk on Thursday evening.

Still haven't heard anything from either the family who's supposed to come here in July or from the man I used to talk with two and three times a week.  Both are disappointing to me.

Reading

Finished Bond Girl.  Not bad.  I only skipped over about three pages, where a scene seemed to be going on a long time.

Cooking

Cooking just plain old burgers is good.

But cooking one that's got garlic salt, beaten egg, grated onion, kosher salt, and pepper mixed in with the ground beef,  then served with buttered/toasted bread that has cheese and sliced onion with it....

Much better. It would not be an exaggeration to say that this is what I expected from French cooking.


(Found many places, including here.)

Observation

Tonight we spent a little time looking at the pretty chart that the financial planner sent us.  Basically, he wants me to start taking Social Security this year, and my pension, such as it is, next year, and to make up the difference between those and our monthly expenses by withdrawing from my 401(k) and other sources. Which, if followed to the limit he projects, would mean that one of my 401k(s) would be depleted in 10 years. This is not a bad thing, because I have another, and because it doesn't even touch my wife's 401(k), which is larger than both of mine. We;d start drawing from it after drawing mine down, and it would be handily supplemented by pension and Social Security. I know, numerically, that we'll be fine.

Still....it's unsettling to contemplate. Even knowing that we're projected to have a large number -- what we consider to be a large number, and thank you, belle-mere, for mentioning today that when you retired, you thought you had a comfortable amount, and now you're a little nervous; it's a big enough number that I joked to my wife that we ought to vote Republican  -- doesn't help me feel calm. Which is why I am writing now instead of going to sleep as I'd originally planned.

Questionable

Even knowing that this is a trick question....even having seen it before.....I still got it wrong.

Here’s a simple arithmetic question: 

A bat and ball cost a dollar and ten cents. The bat costs a dollar more than the ball. How much does the ball cost?

Dentists

Only a really talented guy can make something like this sound funny.l

Atavistic

Well, Then...

A little bit of a scary time. My wife's decided, with my support, to take the early retirement option that her company is offering. If all goes as we expect, she'll be retired from this company as of August 31 of this year. She doesn't really want to, but given how this company has shown a propensity to lay off some very bright and capable people with no warning, and given that the CEO says she wants to lean-down the company, and has indicated that she isn't fond of mainframe business, we think it's a reasonable decision.

There are some alternate possibilities. One is that they will refuse to accept her acceptance of the offer.  That might happen if they're swamped by people saying Yes.  We think that unlikely.  Another is that they accept her acceptance, but then turn around and fire her between now and August 31.  That's a little more likely, but still not very likely.

So, that's that.

We're doing the reasonable things.  We've looked at the forecast that we have of our both routine and extraordinary expenses for the next thirty years. (There is, alas, no way to forecast unforeseen expenses, though I wonder if there is a way to make a 'best guess').  We've talked to a financial planner from the company that handles our 401(k)s, and is handling this transition.  We've given our best shot of ongoing routine and forecasted extraordinary expenses, as well as forecasted revenue streams from 401(k)s, pensions,  and Social Security to the financial planner, who liked what he saw enough to suggest that we ought to consider hiring them for their Premium advisory service. (That's a notch above call-them-and-get-some-rookie-in-Bangalore.)  He also asked if we've considered any charitable giving.  It's a good thought, though, when I heard it, I mouthed to my wife - this was a teleconference with the planner -  How much money does this guy think we have?  Next week we talk with our estate planning tax guy -- he set up a couple of trusts for us, last year, which are intended to ensure that money after the death of one of us will go to the other, and not to Uncle Sam.  At least, not as much of it as Uncle Sam would like.  We've arranged for the financial planner and the tax guy to coordinate with each other.

Our best guess is that we're fine. Better than fine. We expect to be fine for the foreseeable future, too. 

But you never know. Inflation could spike - right now, it's about 2%; in the 70s, it was as high as 7%. Granted, interest rates would go up at the same time, but not as much as inflation. That could be pretty awful.  Or we could have abrupt significant expenses, sell-the-house-and-find-an-apartment expenses.

So it's a little scary. But we think its the right thing to do.  Check back with us in twenty years.

Bridesmaids

I occasionally see bride-and-entourage pictures, and they're usually pleasant, sometimes banal.

And then there are these ladies....

Words That Work

I've been reading this book, and I have to say that while part of it is interesting, part of it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

The author says, multiple times, that all he does is encourage people to use clear, straightforward language, and to select words that either do or do not carry baggage (depending on whether it's baggage you want), and that is a lot of what he does, but not all of it. There's something slimy about his techniques.  It's analogous to when people say if you don't have anything to hide, you shouldn't object to being searched, as if the right to privacy means nothing.  They just slither right past it, acting as if your desire to keep your privacy is proof that you're hiding something.  This guy twists words with a wide-eyed innocent who, me? I'm just helping people communicate better attitude. That is what he's doing, but he's doing it in a slithery way.

There's useful information in the book, but I find that I'm skimming it a lot.

Inceptional

Yearbook

When I was in high school, I got a yearbook each year, but once I had moved out, I didn't want them any more. 
This year, seeing my daughter's yearbook, I had a sudden burst of nostalgia, wishing that my parents had kept them.  So, with some misgivings, I went to the Classmates web site, and found that they had a yearbook from one year that I was there. I ordered one (it's expensive!), and it arrived today.  Its not pristine; they buy yearbooks, including whatever scribbling was in there, and scan them for resale - but it looks just like the original  (I was expecting a cheap photocopy, never mind the price.) I was glad to see it. 

And seeing that seventeen-year-old me delighted me.....

Electoral Thoughts

I'll most likely vote for Obama no matter what.  I believe that Obama is the better of the two, that Romney will lie and distort, and that having him as President would be a very bad thing. We would have a smart person with the morals of George W. Bush.

But this evening, I saw an Obama ad saying that Romney said he could create jobs when he was governor of Massachusetts, and they lost jobs.  I wondered: can he be blamed for that? I would be willing to believe that he did try.  And if he did, if thats true, then the Obama team is doing their own version of lying. Is that our style?

On the other hand, playing fair could cost the election. Losing elections is the Democratic style.   I don't want to lose.

Music

Voting

Financial Planning

So do I take Social Security first, on the assumption that it's going to go bankrupt, and so I should get some of my money while I can, or do I take 401(k) first, on the assumption that the struggling company that owns it may give in to the temptation to raid the funds?

Decisions, decisions....

Sticky

Remember

I was looking through some images that I've saved, and came across this. It still tugs at my heart.

Observation

It's a delight to see the joy and enthusiasm of newly-minted high school graduates, but boy, it can make you feel old.

Reacting

Every so often, I do something dumb as a parent.

Last night, while I was trying to get her laptop to work, my daughter took the opportunity to write CLEAN ME in the dust on the picture of her mother that I've kept on the bureau since we were married. It irritated me.

Walking up the hall, I thought "Don't do this."
Seeing her grin when I said Someone wrote  Clean Me, I thought "Don't do this."
I did it anyway.  Said Don't do that. And saw the light die in her eyes.

She'll get over it.  I'll get over it.

But still....

Restoration

Tomorrow is my daughter's last day in high school.  Tonight she came home, turned on her laptop, and exclaimed All of my stuff is gone!

I did a System Restore, which said it failed and did nothing.... and her stuff was back.


Personally, I think it was an attempt at suicide by the computer.

Design

Bookmarks are for two things: to be able to find the stuff that you come back to, repeatedly.  And to be able to find the stuff that you marked because you want to read it some time in the future.

I think that the latter should have a time limit - say, thirty days.  At 25 days, you get a popup = THE FOLLOWING BOOKMARKS EXPIRE SOON". Then at 30 days, they're gone.  You want to keep them, because, hey, you might go there?  Stick them in a folder.

Yeah, that should do it.

Baseball

Zapped

I just bought a pair of shoes from Zappos.  I've never bought anything from them before, but I have heard some very nice things about the company, along the lines of the nice things I hear about Amazon. So we'll see.  I like their quirky sense of humor. The 'customer registration' email says that I should save it, because it might save my life some day.  Probably not, it goes on to say, but it might.  Nice.  I like that.

I was looking around at some of the other things they sell, and found myself gazing at the men's underwear.  I wonder sometimes why men's underwear tends to be bland (except for the stuff that's aimed at the fabulously fit mid-twenties range).  It's just dull.  I never quite understand guys who wear women's clothing -- there are times that I wonder why we're so hung up on that distinction, but I know we are, and, truthfully, so am I -- but there are times when I look at how stylish and visually interesting women's clothing can be, and I can almost understand it.  For most people who sell guys clothes, underwear is either white or emblazoned with something like Home of the Whopper.  Or occasionally the Batman logo, to show that you're still wild and crazy even though, of course, you're not. I think it should be better than that.  I've heard it said that women feel better when they're wearing something sleek and sexy, even if no one can see it, and I wonder: could that be true for guys, too?

But for now, I'll just get the shoes from Zappos. Actually, sandals.  I think it's the second pair I've had in 60 years.  Don't want to rush into this!