My daughter and I just took a short walk around the neighborhood. I walked; she skated. We talked about this and that, nothing of particular consequence. Then, coming up one block, she casually asked me if we would have kept her from going to a much-wanted event -- a birthday party for a close friend, say -- if some time between committing to it and the actual event she had done something requiring punishment. I told her that it depended.
A bit of background. Last weekend, she was rude to a friend while at a Girl Scout party. She's done that in the past, to this one particular girl. The reasons, though of interest, are immaterial. We told her that as a consequence, she could not have any friends over this weekend. Three days ago, we learned that she had taken a blank composition workbook from a school storage cabinet, and, challenged on it, lied to the teacher. Her punishment was an extra week of no television -- next week -- and she had to write a letter of apology to the teacher. She didn't really mind the television; she didn't like the letter. We told her that contrition was good for the soul, as was owning up when you did something wrong. And that it would have been bad enough had she taken the workbook and returned it when asked; it was the lying that moved it from a moderate to a serious offense. She seemed impressed -- and dejected -- by the definition.
So when she asked about how lenient we'd be given the circumstance she cited, what she was really asking was, how lenient is your justice. What I told her was that while she'd be punished no matter what, the timing would be affected by how serious the offense was, and how major the event that might be missed was. She wouldn't get crucified just because, by god, thats what we said we would do. Neither would she get a get out of jail free card just because the timing worked out right.
I hope she heard the underlying message.
1 comment:
Why, thank you -- both for the kind comment about the blog, and for your undoubtedly accurate assessment of my daughter. (g)
I won't say that we are fanatical about this -- we have as many faults as any parents, and a few that are probably unique to us -- but we try to be very clear when we talk to her. When she was younger, a friend commented that we talked to her as if she were an adult -- we only rarely used baby talk, for example -- and that's continued. I think it's helped her verbal ability, though what do I know.....
But thanks again for your kind words. You are clearly a disceerning person (g).
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