Stealing

I'm not a thief.

That little misunderstanding at the First Federal Bank and Trust, which was really just me asking the guard for directions to the nearest house of worship, and not, as he so inaccurately relayed to the SWAT people, snarling to get down on the damned floor before I blew off his head, and those of the tellers, too, notwithstanding, I am not a thief.

The unfortunate miscommunication that resulted in the summoning of the local police department, in force, simply because I tried to tell the driver of the armored car that his headlights were out, and not, as he relayed to Channel Four News, that I would punch out his damned lights if he didn't open up the back of the truck, and right the hell now, too, to the contrary, I am not a thief.

And while some people might have concluded that I was grabbing that woman's purse and sprinting away with it in an attempt to steal it, what I was in fact doing was attempting to take it from an actual thief so that I could return it to its rightful owner; not, as the mall security people claimed their cameras showed, grabbing it, pushing the elderly owner down the escalator, and heading for the exit, because those would be the actions of a thief, and as I say, I am not a thief.

So when I express ire, irritation, and anger at spending my money for a Diana Krall "Christmas Songs" CD , only to find that the corporation which created it, Universal Music, boldly marked on the back that stealing was a CRIME, and coupling it with the logo of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, you will understand that this is the righteous anger of someone who despises that sort of corporate police state nannyism, and not the inadvertent flinching of a thief. Because, as you know, I am not a thief.

But if I can figure out how to clone this CD, and thereby damage Universal in some respect, without damaging Diana Krall (whom I like quite a lot) -- I'll see about becoming one.