We just had a moderately tense discussion with our daughter.
The primary focus was her desire to attend a drill team event that's being held over three days, at a location that's 90 minutes from here. We don't feel comfortable with the idea of her driving that far, that often. Mixed into that is the cost of that event, and whether we're willing to pay any of it, as well as the cost of another event, more expensive, and whether we're willing to pay any of that. I know that it's traditional for fathers to feel as if they're the child's draw-at-will checking account, but this was a bit much. It particularly affected my wife, who made the point - with obvious efforts at self control - that the daughter's going to get everything she wants, here, and not even have to fund it all, while we're asking her to do things - cleaning her room being the big one - and getting blown off. We finally got it somewhat resolved, though, as I said to my daughter later, you have to realize that this is generosity on our part; unlike college, we don't feel the need to fund any of this. But, she pointed out, I did say that I could pay it all myself if necessary. Yes, I replied, I heard that. It sounded like Hey, I don't need you to let me go, I can pay for this out of my own funds! She had the grace to look abashed, and to admit that that was part of it.
And then, ten minutes later, she asked me what I thought of an idea for a volunteer summer job, next year, that would give her practical experience in arranging the logistics for about 170 people in a drill team - arranging food, arranging practice arenas, setting up transportation, getting props moved, setting up sleeping locations, all of that. I told her that so long as she realized this would mean she wouldn't be earning money, the experience itself sounded quite valuable. Not sure it will happen, but she's thinking about it.
So we're still a little disgruntled, but perhaps not quite as much as three hours ago.